Almost end.

Salam. 

It had been quite a while I didn't write in here. I hope that everyone is doing good. It's month end and also, year end. Thus, it's the account closing for companies, including the one that I'm working with.

Life? I quit-ted from my weekend part time job. Why? Personally, I don't feel comfortable working there. Teaching is one of my passion. Where that's one platform for me to share my knowledge/experience. But somehow, working there, I feel fake. I don't feel like I'm being myself. My bad. And, mostly, I felt guilty with Mommy. I know, Mommy never said anything. And even, Mommy supports me when I told her about my plans. Especially when thinking that it's an add-on for me. It's just that somehow, I felt sooo disorganized. Additionally, with Mommy's health currently, I think it's better to have two weekdays. One for outing. One for staying at home. At least. I believe that, if we try to make our parents happy, somehow, we can feel the tranquility. And yes, 2 weeks after I quit, I felt better. 

Need to find some other ways to save money I guess. I hope, I really really hoped that, everything will go smoothly, the way I planned. Or if it's not as I planned, I hope that I'll be strong enough to stand still. 

And, may kakak gets better soon. Feel bad knowing that she had an accident that almost killed herself yesterday. I bet she's traumatized. For every kindness we make, ALLAH will reward us in any ways. 

 

Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.  

 "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have."  

Dilemma (2)

Salam.

I guess what I said about the topic "dilemma" makes people think and judge wrongly. I'm sorry. Btw, thanks for the suggestion. I will consider it.

Taste.

Guy : handsome tak pengapit lelaki tadi?
Girl : tak.
Guy : kenapa cakap tak handsome?
Girl : entah. Not my taste.
Guy : your taste macamana?
Girl : *diam* pergilah tengok cermin.

Dilemma.

Salam. Hi people. How's life? I'm having a break from work until... Wednesday! So i'll be back at work on Thursday. 1st of December. Well, that means, one month left for my b-dayyy! ;)

I'm having a dilemma. During weekends, I'm working as full-time weekend teacher at one of Computertots centre. It just started on last two weeks. So today is Monday and this weekend is going to be my third. 

It's different with teaching in school holiday camp ppn last time where I dealt with 12 students in a class, aged 14 and 15. In Computertots here, I'm teaching students aged 7-8(level 3). The range could be anywhere in between 3-12 years old. 

What I know about this teaching company is that, it's the only teaching company that passed this one accreditors. Errr... US based of. It's kind of like SIRIM, where only those appliances that fulfills the requirements will get that SIRIM label. But I don't really remember the license sort thingy name.

The path in getting this job was so easy. I saw it in Jobstreet. One hour later, the person in charge called, scheduling for the interview on Saturday so that I don't have to take a leave just for the interview, went for the interview, by Monday, I got the answer, and the next Saturday, voila! the training+work starts.

I am seeking for experience. In teaching. Maybe, I might not end up being a teacher/lecturer, maybe I might end up being one. I won't know. But it's a golden opportunity. It's just that... Well, the owner is a Non-Muslim. I'm not being prejudist or sceptical or persimist but this was what happened. On my first day, I wore a baju kurung. So does on my second day, and last Saturday. During training, I was being reminded to wear make ups. Not a heavy one, as long as your face does look so sweaty and a lipstick. That's fine. I don't like wearing make ups anymore. It was back then. And I'm having a sensitive skin. The first sentence I get after the word, morning from the branch manager last Saturday was, "you ni sekolah agama ke?" then it goes, something that means, at the centre, most of the students+customers are non-muslims, or from International school. Thus, went the parents saw a Muslim, they thought that these Muslim people were trying to teach Islam to their kids. As if, trying to make their kids convert. So, no wearing tudung labuh labuh. Come on lah! I'm just wearing bawal 48" and pinned at the front. And that was called as labuh. I was so frustrated that morning, I really felt like giving up. I mean like, this is how I wore, where sometimes, I do wore 50" or 60", since I don't remember when. Like, 12 years ago? Now, tell me, you get a chance in doing something you like, something you always look forward to, but at the same time, you need to sacrifice on who you really are, would you still try?

Why Saturday?

Salam.

I'm so tied up on Saturday. Tak free. But kakak, Sanchez, Uda, and many of my friends, are having their big day on Saturdays. Sobs. What to do? This is the path that I choose. And urusan nak ke jalan ini, mudah. Macam, rasa blessed sangat. So, I'll stick on my plans. Moga, dapat bertahan selama boleh. Dan moga, semua yang dah atau akan bernikah, berkahwin berbahagia hingga ke syurga dan sentiasa diberkati dan dirahmati Allah s.w.t. Amin.

Alhamdulillah. A new start.

Salam.

 

Alhamdulillah. Life's good lately. Walaupun hujan batu kat hometown kan. ;) Currently, I only keep in touch dengan my family, friends dah jarang. Macam collegue at work tu, haruslah kan. Tapi dengan one or two people je. And that's enough. Macam, lagi prefer to be in the small world of mine. surrounded with people I love, and loves me. And banyak gathering, weddings especially yang I cannot attend. Time tu lah nak keep in touch dengan friends kan. Tapi nak buat macamana. Bukan rezeki nak jumpa friends semua. Update latest news, life, stories semua. But the last wedding yang I pergi convoy ramai ramai with my friends was Ainna Salwa's sister's and An Hanzir's wedding. Time tu around bulan 6, 7 kot. Sebab my friends yang study kat Australia, dah balik Malaysia for good. Mesti diorang marah kan, awal tu bukan main semangat last last batang hidung pun tak nampak. Haha.

 

A new start. That's what I called. Alhamdulillah. Maybe my life taklah segah or adventurous macam orang lain, but I am grateful with what I have. Baru baru ini, hati nak sangat sangat sesuatu ini. Alhamdulillah. Allah makbulkan. So, here goes, a new start for me. Nervous pun ada. Sebab something new for me kan. But, I choosed this path, and here goes... Btw, starting today, officially kalau ada event on Saturday, saya TIDAK BOLEH pergi. Takpelah. Mesti ada hikmah kan. And small sister akan exam MFE less than 11 hours nanti for 3 hours. All the best, my dear. May you pass with flying colours. <3

 

11.11.11

Nice, kan? Ada juga GRS I kena buat today. So dapatlah cop tarikh today. Ha. Dalam binary, apa nilai 111111?

Kali ini.

Ya Allah, dugaanMu kali ini begitu berat. Mampukah aku, Ya Allah? 



Have and desire.

"Do not loose what you have, by desiring what you don't have because what you HAVE now, is one of the many things you once DESIRED..."

Zakat.

Salam. Petikan ceramah pagi pagi otw kerja dengan daddy a while ago. "Nikmat yang Allah bagi kat kita ni sangat banyak. Kita nak bayar balik pun tak cukup. Kenapa kita bekerja? Sebab nak tunaikan zakat. Kenapa tunaikan zakat? Sebab bersyukur atas nikmat harta." jangan lupa bayar zakat ya... ;D

Kalau bayar zakat, nama akan ditulis kat langit.
Langit pertama, pemurah
langit kedua, mulia.
Langit ketiga, taat.
Langit keempat, kebaikan.
Langit kelima, makbulan. Allah makbulkan doa.
langit keenam, mahfuzan. Terpelihara, apa yang kita usahakan dipelihara. Kerana Allah sebaik baik pemelihara. Keluarga, dll.
Langit ketujuh, Seluruh dosa dosa kita Allah ampunkan. 

The more you give, the more you get. Sebab tu kena kerja sungguh sungguh. Lagi kuat kerja, nanti leh bayar zakat lagi banyak. Sebab zakat tu sedekah kan... 
Renung, fikir fikir adakah kita banyak bersyukur pada Allah s.w.t.?
-ustaz ghazali ibrahim, pagi di ikim.fm.

Fat.

Salam.

This morning, while I was going to wash my plate after bfast, dear brother said, "kakla nampak gemuk pakai camtu". 

Then I answered "baju ni memang besar". 

Fact is; I know I will look fat wearing this, this clothing is over sized, anddd after losing 5 kgs, I gained 2 kgs. Thus, please put more effort okie Noru, 4th Dec is just around the corner. It's Friday and most of the citizens are already on leave. Me? Half day today. Just because I wanna go shop at staff shop at 10 a.m. afterwards. And, daddy helped close the gate for me while I'm on my way out for work. *terharu* Love you daddy. And yesterday, a colleague distributed one of the company product for tha staffs to try. We'll see how effective it is. Anddd, end.

Anytime.

Life's too short to be unhappy. *bakal meninggalkan semua bila bila masa. If it happens, do forgive me. Sobs.*

Going out~

Going out. Hopes that JPJ will let me off. We're like not meeting each other for 5 years. Since 2006. I hope that this going out can make her feel happier. I know she likes flowers. Let's show her some flowers, shall we, dear Silvia?

Free.

I love you. That's why I let you go. Cause being free will make you happier. Or at least, that's what I thought. I want you to be happy. Go, fly, higher~

Happiness.

Happiness lies in those who cry, those who have been hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. -quoted.

Thank you.

1.11.11

Salam. Like, in binary code, what is the value of this number? 11111. Cuba cuba. Kalian kan tere tere semuanya. Btw, may things are better for you, me, us, we, all for this month and comings months, year, decade, century, millenia. I have a nice quote to share today. Because I've read about this one guy willing to do anything to let go of his past. This guy was a skinhead while ago. So he went through suffers just to remove the tattoos all over his face since, it doesn't make him look appropriate as a father. One of the commenters says, "It's not how you start, it's how you finish". Past is past. Let's turn to the other side of the leaves, shall we? Have a nice week~ toodles ;D

What have I done wrong?

Salam.

I did mistakes. That's what people are telling me. But what mistakes have I done? If I know nothing about it, how can I fix things over? People are saying I'm wrong, and being angry with me and I have no idea of what it is about. Tell me, please?

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Our new pet. Haha. ;D

In relationship.

Salam.

In relationship the first thing is, trusting. You need to have the feeling of trusting. It’s the main step. Secondly, is believing. Once you trust, you can start to believe. Strong believing holds your relationship. Third one is, sharing. Share everything. I mean EVERY SINGLE THING. Without it how on earth you wanna live together in the future?
Love is easy and simple. People make it look like misery.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.



 

If you love her. :D

Salam.

If you love her, make her feel that you really do. Don’t just say it. Prove it.


Girls want someone who cares. Someone who notices things. Not every girl cares if you are hot or whatever. Just as long as you are sweet and caring. Every girl wants someone to notice them. Think of what you would want and do that for them. Tell her you love her… ONLY IF YOU REALLY DO. Nothing hurts more than a lie from someone you love. Be yourself. Accept who she is and what she is. Love her not only for her good qualities, but for her bad ones as well. Show her how much you truly love her, without lying.


Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.



 

At the 7th floor.

Salam.

I hate nightmares

Salam. This morning, I wake up with nightmares in my head. And it makes me feel like not talking to anyone. So does last Saturday/Sunday. And going to work, there was this van jenazah behind us. It made me think, what if it happens? Am I ready to take charge?

Kakak nikah!

Salam. Kakak is going to nikah today! At 10 a.m. Why me yang rasa nervous ni? She asked me to kapit her. So i brought 3 packet of tissues. Hopefully cukuplah kan. No more cik cik. Happy for her. My turn? InsyaAllah, one day. Tonight, me and sisters are going to follow mummy reunion. At where, I'm not sure. Hehe. Have a nice day, peeps! Early in the morning, mummy told me that I'm pretty. Hehe. 

I hope, tomorrow plan wil be on.

Bestf is back.

Funny kan. When a bestf comes by and a simple ques as 'how's life?' and at first i tried not to make bestf worried and answered somethg as everythg is good, going with the flow. Yet, somehow, i burst out telling almost everythg cause it's getting harder to keep it by myself because bestf knows me by heart. And, I should stop telling evrythg to bestf. Bestf is going away soon! How I wish, tomorrow is dec. So that I can't bug bestf anymore. And I know, he only wants to see me happy. Hi bestf, I'm happy. Please go away. So that I won't tell you anythg anymore. Please? Can I say this? Can I?

Niskala - Masih Disini

 

Aku masih tak mengerti cebisan hati terukir mengalir
Entah tersentuh tak beralun cuba memayungmu erat di hatiku
Kali ini terang ku pandang rupa wajah yang menjadi idaman
Sudah ku tahu tak ku mampu hanya kata-kata ku perhiasan mu

Aku masih mimpikan mu kerna mainan kasih yang berputik
Mengertilah kata hatiku terbit lahir lubuk kasih yang berkasih
Sedang ku bertepuk satu tangan namun gengaman mu erat padanya
Mahu saja ku melepaskan sisa bisa rasa cinta sebegini

Reff:
Ku masih disini sampai bila entah mengapa harus lara
Ku masih begini tak bergoyang walau sedetik atas kabutnya jiwa
Ku sandarkan kata doa disusuli satu cerita

Bayangan perasaan ku coretkan satu pengalaman ku lepaskan

Wahai wanita solehah~

Salam.

~Wahai wanita solehah,jgn risau akn jodoh mu krn muslimin yg bijaksana tidak akan terpaut pd wanita hanya pd kecantikkn,lirikn,senyuman,pd bicara manja yg m'goda,pd pujuk rayu s'org wanita y meruntuhkn imannya..ssghnya lelaki itu adlh pemimpin kpd wanita..andai blm sampai jodohmu,aggplh bhw lelaki yg kau nantikn itu sdg m'bina sahsiah kepimpinanny bg memimpin diri mu..krn pd wanita itu pasti ada kekurangan & lelaki yg benar2 layak pasti akn hadir melengkapkn kekuranganmu..~

~Apabila kamu teringatkan seseorang, perbanyaklah olehmu ISTIGHFAR, apabila kamu lupa tentang apa yg kamu pelajari, perbanyakkanlah SELAWAT, apabila kamu ingin wajah berseri & sejuk mata memandang, perbanyaklah SOLAT DHUHA, apabila kamu inginkan perlindungan & kekuatan hati, perbanyaklah TAHAJUD dan apabila kamu inginkan malaikat mendampingimu & mengelak dari pandangan nafsu syaitan, hendaklah kamu sentiasa berada dalam keadaan BERWUDHU.~

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Emotional day.

Salam. Hi people. How's Raya celebration? Best tak? Dah few days kan holiday habis. Macam, everyone pun must go back to reality. Work, studies and stuff. Tapi, kena ikhlas tau. Nanti rasa restless, grumpy je sebab tak ikhlas. Now, it's 2a.m. Esok kerja. Dan mata tak boleh nak tutup. okay. Bukan salah mata. I yang taknak tidur lagi. Sebab, tadi lepas Maghrib dah tidur. And macam rutin, around jam 12 terjaga. Kejap lagi tidurlah kan. Nak cakap sedih sekarang ni, macam sedihlah juga. Tapi, bila benda tu macam dah expected, and kita dah perasan hint hint tu, bila tahu the truth, macam sedih lah juga kan. Cuma tak teruk sangat. Sebab sempat prepare diri. Dan at least, kali ini, tahu the truth earlier kan. Daripada nanti macam percaya kata kata orang lagi lama, lagi sedih. Jatuh lagi bawah. Kalau jatuh lagi bawah, mungkin akan ambil masa lebih lama nak bangun. Mungkin. So, mungkin juga lebih cepat kan. Sebab dah pro. Hihi. To semua, sorry and thanks for EVERYTHING. Above all, sangat happy untuk Sanchez yang akan engage dengan kakak this Sunday. Mereka minta I ambilkan gambar. I minta kakak lain tolong. Tapi kakak tak boleh. So I minta tolong adik I. Nanti kita tengok hasil nya. Dahlah I tak reti ambil gambar. Selalu, akan shaky je. Ada abang ini, dah lama hilang. Selalu kalau festive season mesti ada text wish wish ke kan. *rasa tak sedap hati*

She's flying again.

Salam. I'm on my way to KLIA. To send small sister for her flight to US. It's just that, small brother wasn't following. Nevermind then. 3 months, is a short while. Waking up in the morning, going to bed at night, woila! The time has come. May she have a safe journey, and graduated with flying colours 2 years later. Hari Raya, was a blast having her around. I never been in that situation yet, but I guess, being apart from family for two Hari Rayas made her appreciate this year's Hari Raya, and trying to make the best memories from it. Small sister was very busy, stressed up while packing up her stuffs this few days. I did my best to entertain and help her, tough. And having her around, somehow, it was very helpful when it comes to house chores and cookings. If things goes well, we'll meet again next year, small sister. Prayers. I heart you! <3

Perkara tertunggak.

Salam.

Kadang kadang, rasa sangat kecewa dengan diri. Sebab tak dapat capai target. Not even a bit pun. Banyak sangat kerja yang tertunggak. Ni, ada lagi dua yang tak siap lagi. Let me list down kerja yang tertunggak dari end of last year.

Tshirt KTP1 - done.

Report SELERO! - done.

Post surat Clarians - in progress. Dah beli setem. Nak kena tampal and post.


Update database PAKMNS(ke PaKMNS ea?) starting Mei 2011 - in progress.

Nak passing kat ajk baru, macam kejam pula sebab kita tak siapkan kerja kita lagi and suruh dia siapkan. Tapi harap harap dapat siapkan soon. Sehari kat tempat kerja menghadap komputer like 8 hours, so bila balik rumah akan sangatlah malas nak on Belle. *I wonder how other people boleh ngadap skrin komputer tu lama lama everyday. Kagum!*

Belanjawan PAKMNS - done

Tshirt reunion PAKMNS - in progress.
Dalam 5 pieces lagi. Ada ahli macam taknak ambil tshirt lagi. Ada yang nak ambil bila jumpa. Tapi tak jumpa jumpa lagi. And ada yang dah jumpa banyak kali, tapi I still tak bagi bagi lagi. Haha. 

Go through the books+notes masa Matriks, Degree and half Masters - In progress.
Nak kena check mana boleh simpan, kat mana nak simpan. If boleh bagi orang, nak bagi siapa and how to bagi.

Giveaway baju - In progress. Yang ni, baju dah bungkus, tapi tak bagi bagi lagi sebab tak tahu nak bagi siapa and bila dah tahu, macam terlepas pula masa patut bagi baju so last last tak bagi.

Pape pun kan, bila dah settle tshirt KTP1 tu, rasa SANGAT SANGAT lega. Sebab, dah delay dari end of last year sebab problem dengan kos baju tu. Lagi lagi bila kita kena deal dengan those cute cute kids yang umur Form 3+Form 4 kan. Selalu macam, "cikgu, bila nak dapat baju?" Bolehlah diorang Raya pakai baju. Just, Unfortunately lah kan, maybe ada yang tak puas hati dengan baju tu. Ada yang happy sebab dah dapat baju tu walaupun OVERSIZED. *one reason why they should eat a lot and makes themselves grow* Tapi, sangat sangat lega. 

So, harus semangatkan diri, untuk siapkan yang tak siap lagi ni. Berusaha!


Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Ya Allah, aku redha andai perasaan cinta dan sayang yang kau kurniakan ini hanya untuk seketika. Terima kasih ya Allah, kerana memberikan aku peluang untuk merasakan kebahagiaan disayangi. Terima kasih ya Allah.

T-shirts

Hi. I went off thinking. There's this one thing which I felt frustrated of. T-shirts. Since end of last year, I'd been working out on doing this one t-shirt. I don't design it. But I only deal with the person in charge. Those kind of t-shirts where you design, for an organization and such, order, pay, then there goes some printing to be done, then you get your t-shirt.



Why I get frustrated?
1. I don't tell in detail, whether it should have hand curf or not; i only highlighted on collars and whether it's long or short sleeve.
2. The size is way larger than the buyers. i wish they'll grow bigger and fits those tshirts. i should have ask for the t-shirt measurements. 

3. It's expensive! Because it's in a small amount. 

4. I should have seen the finalize design of the t-shirt. Where the p.i.c. Needs to adjust the design so that it fits the printing size.
5. I dealt with the p.i.c. alone. Supposed that I get help from anyone when it comes to making decisions. 

I know, someone(s) is(are) way so disappointed with the result of the tshirt. I'm sorry. My very very very bad.

Engkau.

Salam.

Engkau memang cantik selagi kau menutup malu,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau memelihara adab,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau menjaga aurat,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau menjaga batas,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau waras berhias,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau bersifat fitrah,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau pantang menyerah,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau terus bersolat,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau lurus bertaubat,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau jujur berilmu,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau taat suami,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau membaca Al-Qur’an,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau beradab sopan,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau kasih ibu bapa,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau mendidik keluarga,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau sabar & tenang,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau tegakkan Islam,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau mencegah kemungkaran,
Engkau memang cantik selagi kau berniatkan Tuhan,
Engkau memang cantik kerana kau seindah Islam!

Maksud menggunakan FB secara maksima; dengan ilmu yang dikongsi rakan rakan. Sertai group yang ilniah. Secara tak langsung, dapat tarbiahkan diri. Ah. Rindu ditarbiah. Kakak ini belum dapat jadi seperti isteri isteri Nabi. Seperti yang dijanji. Kena berusaha lagi!

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Yang dicari

Salam.

TO share.

Yang dicari walaupun bukan putera raja, biarlah putera agama...
Yang diimpi biarlah tidak punya rupa, asal sedap dipandang mata..
Yang dinilai bukan sempurna sifat jasmani, asalkan sihat ruhani, sempurna hati ..
Yang diharap bukan jihat pada semangat, asal perjuangannya ada ada matlamat..
Yang datang tak perlu rijal yang gemilang , kerana ana SERIKANDI dengan silam yang kelam ...
Yang dinanti bukan lamaran dengan permata, cukuplah akad dan janji setia..
Dan yang akan terjadi andai tak sama kehendak hati, ana redha ketetapan Ilahi itulah ketentuan sejak azali..♥..♥..

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Work today : I read.

Assalamualaikum. Hi people.

How's your Ramadhan? A lot of good deeds done? Good. Let's let's add more.

Today, at work, I'm not doing work. My task is to support the dept. Besides taking care of this one thingy. Thus, when any of the team member that needs my help, I'll have a work to be done. Else, it's the waiting. And today, the waiting happens. I'm like complaining, don't I? Aha. I guess, today, I've discovered what to do at work while waiting. And at the same time, it gives me some benefits. Duh, I should realize this earlier!

In the morning, i read the Malay online newspapers. I know, people says that some of the news are fake or being created and such, but, let's make ourselves updated, shall we? Especially when there's some expectation that there's going to be recession and it's going to be worst than during 2007. Next, I'm done with every segment in the Malay online papers, I remembered that there was this online Quran A'idah used to show me. Read few pages, whisperedly. Then, I went through some fav blogs and some motivational websites. Around 2++, a team mate came and teach me some new things I need to help out. I'm lucky cause I have an access to the internet. At least, I can do some readings to motivate myself. Else, I'll solve the Maths puzzles that I brought along.

In a nutshell, do things that will be beneficial to ourselves or people around us. At least, we know that day was spent well. Cause time is never reverseable.

Night people! Sweet dreams.

I hate you!

Elder sister, a burden?

Hi.

I always wished for an elder sister. Cause I never had one. But am I a burden for my siblings; my younger brothers and sisters?

Me : where are you?
She : stuck.
Me : where?
She : doesn't matter.

It was like, I have no idea of where you are, and does some care and love hurts so much?
I'm a bad sister. Bad bad sister.

Salam.
Hi people. Here, I'm going to share some of my interview experience. Not much. But i hope it helps.



1. Jpa scholarship.

After SPM, I get an interview to further my studies overseas. The session started by, writing an essay of what course that I plan to take and in which country and why (if I'm not mistaken). This writing essay session was held in a cold hall, located at Intec, Shah Alam. That was for the first session.
For the next session, we have a group interview. It was a group of 8 @ 10 people (can't recall). We passed the file full of our certificates to the interviewers. In the room. There were chairs+tables arranged in U form, facing the interviewers of course. We are given a topic. I can't remember the topic. But there, the interviewers instruct us to discuss in however ways. So we picked a 'pengerusi majlis' and started discussing. Thus, it was like a debate. Where everyone tried to give out ideas. 'i'm agree with... But...' My friends' session is different. Her group choosed for everyone to speak up their ideas one by one. Therefore, she gets the scholarship. Lucky her. Me? I dont get through though. ;p

2. PAC. PTD Assessment Centre.
We are assigned in groups. And have this big tag needed to hang over our neck. From faraway, people can already recognize you. There are group discussions and also, physical test. My comments, the group discussion are horrible. Haha. I went there with lack of information(compared to others) about history, current issues, and my brain can't think of ideas. There are like 4 or 5 group sessions. With different topics and different objectives. There are problem solving, history, current issues and also presentation of a topic given(alone). As for the physical test, during that weekend, it rained. Ssupposedly, we need to run for about a few kilometers. But somehow, we end up doing steps for aerobic. In groups. Had some few ideas since I just came back from facilitating a camp few weeks before. Okayh. That was then.

3.Customer service at Scicom.

Okayh. Idk much about this post, and I left my SPM cert somewhere at home. Because? The person that I asked of certs needed for me to bring, doesn't mention anything of SPM cert. So I didn't bring it. Haha. We had a writing test whuch requires us to answer some maths questions and also write some english and malay essay. Like the eng and malay essay, we are given some situations, and we need to write back and email answering the situation with some guidance about the content for the email. And the interviewer asked on, why they should hire me. 



4.AMLA post.
Anti-Money Laundering post.
The interviewers asked on why they should hire me and also my understandings of the post. And also what I know about the company. *can't recall much about this interview. ;p*



5.Customer Service.

This was diff. The interviewer is the head of the dept. Thus, she asked more on my expectations, hopes and plans for Mathematics since my background is Mathematics. She asked me on my experiences, and what I'd been doing since Dec 2010. And why I'm not working after I finished my degree in Mei 2009. 



6.something regarding calling people about credits cards.*can't recall the post*

Ohkay. As for this post, I'm not really into it. Cause it's in Jamek and I'm not mobile. ;p thus I don't study much about the company. When arrived, we are gathered in one waiting room. Then each of us were called on by one. *same like the no 3 interview* They asked me on 'what do I know about the company' which I talked crap. *pls don't do this* They also asked me 'can you handle stress?' 



Above all, basically the similarities for the interviewers was, they asked me to tell something about myself. *A must question* That's all. not much to be shared but I hoped, it helps. For those who are going for interviews, all the best kay? Doa banyak banyak. ;p

Salam Ramadhan~

Salam.

Ramadhan is coming! Mari sama sama keja kebekatan bulan Ramadhan~

Tahun ini kena bagi duit Raya kah? Hihi. ;p

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Mei 2007.

Mei 2007. That's the starting. Now Julai 2011. Kiralah dah berapa tahun. Kalau tu umur seorang kanak kanak, dah boleh masuk tadika dah. Last few months, my words made you cry. Or at least, that's what I thought. And today, I cried. Macam hati runtun baca kata kata itu. What happened? Mana boleh saya biarkan awak macam tu je.

Nightmare, again.

Salam.

Last night, i had a nightmare. It was sooooooo not cool to have a nightmare. Waking up in the morning, I felt restless although i slept way early last night. I dreamed that Mr Celcom died. I know, it was over between us, but having that kind of dream isn't a nice thing to happen. Told this to sanchez. He says that, this dream means that Mr Celcom is going to live long. And just to pray the best. May Allah bless Mr Celcom, always. Amin. 


Not again.

I guess that I'm having depression again. Dislikes this. I dreamed that I'm carrying a baby again. And I hate this kind of dream. Cause it might means something negative. Might. 

Yup. I'm the bad daughter. Kannn? 





The factory.

Salam. Good morning people. How's life? Have you get enough sleep last night? Me? I'm not sure of that. Cause since yesterday, my shoulder aches. Waking up this morning, it still aches. 

Continuing last post, about the factory. The factory was somewhere in Beranang. All the way there, my heart beats fast. Never went there. Yet somehow, at least I have some experience in baking cakes. It might help, and when I arrived there, it does helps.

Beranang is a village. And it makes me missed going back to Kodiang badly. It had been quite a while, though. This is my second time meeting this friend's family member. Here, just name it. Friend's grandmother, grandfather, aunts, father, sibling, future in law are all there. Helping out in the factory. At first, I helped out by mixing up the ingredients in the mixer. Eggs, milk, flour. Then, i helped out at the packaging section. At the factory, there were like at least 10 ovens. I bet mommy would be very excited with the ovens since our oven at home isn't working well. Friend keeps asking me whether I'm tired or not. Since on Saturday night I'm having a bad headache. Around 430 friend forced me to go rest at grandma's room. And I did. i slept for one hour. I'm not good in asking permission to leave. Especially when everyone is busy and I don't want people to stop work just to send me home. And since my charger is lost, my celcom phone is out of battery, and my maxis phone battery is also finishing. 

Had dinner with them. After maghrib and dinner, I'm already on my way back. Wanna know what I get for my pay helping out? A 50g Herbalife peach flavour mix! This is so exciting! Hehe. ;p 

p/s : Do not go to people's house and sleep there. It's not polite. Last time, when I did this, my friend's parents wants their son to marry me. ;p

My part of KMNS Homecoming.

Salam. Hi all. 

I can't make myself sleep right now. I think I'm overdose of sleep. Hehe. ;p

Last Friday, I took a leave. Purposely to get myself ready or whatever things i need to prepare to be ready for the Saturday, KMNS Homecoming. And also to settle my bank problem. I mean, my problem with bank. Online banking. So not good on using it. ;p

Thus, that friday evening, I started my journey to Kuala Pilah with these 4 girls that makes me feel so old. Since they are talking about whoever Idk at all. Arriving at OSC, And that's when I saw many aliens. I mean, people which I'm not familiar with. Met Fafau, and of course, we talked about money. Trying to focus with the briefing, or biro report (this I'm not sure), I saw this two girls staring at me. Purposely! Because I know they like to do this to anyone they are close with. That's Yufi and Una! Okay, less aliens. Haha. 

And I slept at 4 am(cause that's the last time I remembered the clock is when I'm still awake) the next day and get myself up at 630. 2.5 hours of sleep! Ironic right? Since I started work, I'll be asleep by 10 o'clock at least. Yet, work must be done. When I arrived at the D cafe that saturday morning, thinking I'm late and it's 730 and the reg starts at 800, i saw only 4 guys eating breakfast! Yet they tought they are early. Nvm.

The AGM was superb! Cause I made a bad presentation about the budget. And yes of course, because kak fai, agon, nana and tasnim was there also. Somehow, I didn't manage to talk much with nana and tasnim since they arrived late. But I do missed these faces so much. I talked heart to heart with kak fai. About things that happened to both of us. And somehow, althought I'm backdated with like 2 years of working experience, this moment, right now, I'm grateful with what I have. At least, I have a job. Rather than my other friends, still searching for one. It's like, hearing kakak saying, 'it's okay', it really does make my day. And agon's craziness. Some people remains the same although after some years we met again, don't they? 

That Saturday, was a longggggg day. After the AGM, I went to the reg counter. Sitting there, helping, eating, talking, sakating, and uh idk what else I did there. But it's enjoyable when people asked questions and you can expect what their question is and you know, you can answer that question. Or at least, I hope I answer those correctly. Aha. Listening to Khai's stories about his course. And yes, during that Saturday, I bullied Fahmi, a lot. Because his name is like my Fahmi and I missed my Fahmi. Haha. ;p

That night, I hang out with Una at the Surau. At first, my intention is to have a nap there. Somehow, we end up sharing stories. She shared her about her practical stories, and me, of my working stories. Next morning, we headed back to Serdang. And I went on the Komuter to stop by at Batang Benar. Because, I don't wanna trouble Tiqah by finding the Batang Benar station especially when she's rushing for work at 10. And yes, she's late. At Batang Benar, my friend picked me up and we headed to the factory. 

Next post, about factory. Sweet dreams, people! ;p

oh. This was last night's post. ;p

Baik ke jahat?

Salam. 

Just a question. If you need to pick, antara a person yang baik, yang selalu pergi kelas, homework semua siap, cakap pun sopan sopan, treat you so so so nice, and a person yang memang nakal/jahat(certain people, they considers yang nakal tu jahat), pernah ponteng kelas, cikgu/lecturers ingat sebab dia naughty/jahat, tapi at the same time, still treats you so so so nice, which would you pick? 

Macam semua orang pun ada two sides. Ada yang baik dan ada yang jahat. Yang baik tu still boleh jadi jahat. It's just that, you would never know how jahat is jahat for that person. And, if orang yang nakal/jahat tu pula, you dah tau how jahat is jahat, and how baik is baik. It's just that, yang baik boleh jadi jahat dan yang jahat boleh jadi baik, or lagi jahat. But you need to remember, semua orang ada part jahat dan baik itu. So, which would you choose?

Blogging while on board!

Salam. Hi all. Right now, I'm standing in a komuter and on the same time, I'm blogging. Voila! It's makes blogging much much more easier. And on the same time, this makes me talk crap more online. Haha.

Okay. I arrived my destination. Till then, see ya!

It was yesterday.

Salam. Hi people! It's Wednesday. So, how's your week? I hope you're doing magnificent. ;p

Yesterday was a stressful day. I get distracted. Almost get myself frustrated, stressful, and all those negative feelings. Somehow, thank you dear brother. For finally you manage to come over and have a lunch with me. Thank you sooooo much! You made my day. And yes, thank you Mommy for making my food cravings a reality! I was craving for cakes. Blackforest. And also, thank you Allah for giving me these people around. I am blessed. Happy. Although it's a stressful day, especially when the due date is sooooo near, there are things I should be thankful for. It's a less than one hour lunch, but a meaningful one. I enjoyed spending time eating with brother, or anyone. Cause i know that's one time that brother or others are happy. Food! That's why, i'm working very hard to lose weight currently. Especially when it's hangout=eat time!

Have a nice week, people~


Taknak. =(

Salam.
This morning, I don't feel that kind of excited. I dunno. Having that conversation.
Dia : so bapak jadi tak nak beli kereta?
Me : tak tau.
Dia : nanti kalau nak pergi kerja senang. Apa apa hal, wani boleh g sendiri. Boleh berdikari.
Me : pa boleh je hantar kalau pagi pagi.

That statement 'berdikari'. Dulu masa nak pilih, you gave me reasons of not accepting masjid jamek, because boleh naik kereta, takyah sesak sesak, duduk je. Now, nak tuntut berdikari pula? I will, when the time comes. Lagi you force me to do so, lagi i don't do it. I have plans. I need to save up. Nak cuba buat balik something yang i have failed to. And that, i tell you, requires money which right now, I'm lack of. Period.

Leaving.

Hi. I don't feel good this few days. Happy, I am. indeed. It's just that, I'm not growing up. And I guess this frustrates everyone. And now, the only person that never leaves me since 2006, walked away. Saying goodbye. Bad, aren't I?

Jangan kata kalau tak kenal.

Salam.
Saya bukanlah seorang yang berkelulusan sekolah agama. Setahun sahaja sekolah agama. Masa Darjah 1. Masuk sekolah asrama, saya sertai Ahli Surau. *sekarang panggil Imtiaz* Dengan niat nak belajar. Ada satu perasaan yang sangat tenang bila dikelilingi gadis baik baik, yang bertudung labuh. Dan saya suka perasaan itu. Sejak sekolah asrama itu, saya cuba jadi orang yang lebih baik. Terutamanya dari segi agama. Di situ, saya dapat keyakinan untuk menjadi seorang Imam. Walaupun sekolah itu sekolah asrama yang semasa makannya, wajib makan dengan sudu. Yang paling paling ingat adalah masa matriks, masa universiti. Tiap tiap malam jalan jauh jauh dengan kawan nak pergi dewan solat tarawih beramai ramai, mahupun dengar ceramah. Atau, masa program anjuran Rabbani+Gamis. Rasa tenang lebih lebih lagi melihat perwatakan mereka. Rindu. Dan saya masih cuba untuk menjadi diri yang lebih baik. Atau sekurang kurangnya, memberi kebaikan pada orang sekeliling. Cuma, saya agak terkilan. Saya bukanlah seorang yang sempurna. Kadang kadang, rasa diri sangat nakal. Suka berjalan jalan berjumpa kawan. Dan bukanlah contoh yang baik untuk adik adik. Tapi, saya tetap cuba. Dan mungkin, kawan saya tidaklah sebaik atau sesempurna kawan kawan orang lain. Namun, tidakkah lebih baik jika cuba mengenalnya dahulu sebelum melontarkan kesimpulan tentang dirinya? Sebab saya yang nakal, orang lain yang dipersalahkan. Kejam untuk dia.

Love quote.

Salam.

What will you conclude me if I'm sharing this? Aha. ;p

"You've done it, you've made me start to fall in love with you. I'm sitting here crying because I'm so scared but at the same time, I'm so happy I'm falling in love with you. You're the person I've waited for all this time, the person I've looked for all my life and when I least expected it you walked into my life.You listened when I talked, was there when I cried and made me finally smile. I'm crying for the last time I hope, I trust that you won't hurt me. It's so hard for me to trust guys, but you're worth it to me. So, here's my heart, see all the little cracks... they're pretty small and healed nicely, but you, I know, that you're the one that could make it completely shatter. Promise me you wont, please, promise me you'll love me forever, and that you won't break my heart. Even if you can't promise me that, I'll give you my heart anyway, cause I know that if I don't give you my heart I'll regret it for the rest if my life, cause you're the one person who is necessary to my life." - Kate Tierny 

"so what, you're scared, right? You're scared, and so am i, believe me, and I'm scared because i don't know where this is going, jo, as in, i think it could go anywhere, this could be it." - dawson's creek 


Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Excited!

Salam. Kakak is flying tonight. So, I'm on my way to the airport to meet her. It's a sudden decision. Asked daddy, asked friend, asked another kakak, and I'm lucky enough that my dear friend is available this evening. Thus, I can go meet kakak. With friend as the driver of course. Lucky to have a nice friend. Hehe. So dear kakak, we've come all the way just to see you going to fly. And if you ever say that I don't love you, I'm so gonna debik you, make you eat a lot until you become fat. Haha. Okay. Till then, have a nice day people~

p/s : perhaps I can do the food hunt today? Hopefully. ;p

Abang dan kakak dan kakak dan kakak.

Good morning people~
Rise and shine. It's Saturdayyy. I'm not sure of going out for food hunt on this afternoon or tomorrow. Cause my friend is kinda busy and out of reach. Normally, if friend is out of reach, it means that friend is busy. But I still hope that it's going to happen. Craving for it alreadyyy. =(

Okay. Last few days, I was talking to this friend. Kakak. She was going to be married like few months away. And she told me about not preparing things for door gift of her nikah. Erk, nikah apa dalam bi? Cause the reception is going to be held end of this year. So, I'm thinking of a bestfriend's girlfriend(bf's gf). Which sometimes I refer as kakak. This bf's gf is selling cupcakes. I saw she's selling cupcakes/muffins lately. Errr, how can we differ muffins and cupcakes? ;p Bought kakak's cupcakes and gave to another kakak a few of it. And if it goes well, I hope it does, kakak will be ordering from kakak. Hehe. I don't know why but it excites me that I can get along with bf's gf. Bestfriend is like my big brother and kakak is so nice. Having kakak around is like I'm having another big sister. I really hoped that they will get married and lived happily ever after.

And here's another kakak. I'm not sure currently she's in which state. She went for an exam last few days. I hoped that she passed. We don't have time to talk about it yet but I hope that it goes wll for her. It's just that... If she passed the exam with flying colours, it means that she might be spending her whole life somewhere in Kelantan. Oh nooo! It's a faraway land. I guess, we're not going to be this close anymore. But hey! I really hoped that she'll be happy with whatever she's doing and whatever she thinks the best for her. A friend should be happy for another friend's happiness right?

I'm sad hearing things that happen with dear cousie. Hoped that can meet cousie.

I guess, I still believe that people can change for a better person, no matter how bad they used to be. Because what's past is past. If you're bad in the past, it doesn't means that you're a bad person right now. And if you used to be a nice person, it doesn't means that currently you're a nice person. People can really change, ya know?

Awek.

Salam. Hye!

It's thursday. And I'm looking forward for this weekend. Food hunt! I guess I should change my cheat day from Wednesday to Sunday. Especially when Sunday is my day out and, I can easily access to any kinds of interesting food when I'm hanging out. What is cheat day? Well, I read from an article somewhere, can't remember the web. The article said that those who are on diet should make a day where she/he can eat any food that they feel to. And currently, I'm controlling my food consume. Since 3rd July is less than one month away, I need to lose weight fast!

Okay. Enough of cheat day. Today, the neighbour is around. So, we kinda have some short chat. It's something like this.
Neighbour (N) : Nor, selalu orang panggil you apa?
Me : Selalu, alwani, wani.
N : Boleh ke nak panggil Nor?
Me : Boleh je. Lagipun, that's my name.
N : Kalau panggil nama lain, boleh?
Me : Apa?
N : Awek.
Me : Haha!

Now, I wondered why neighbour isn't in a relationship.

That's all peeps! Have a nice dayyy!

P/s : Malam ni malam j. Ada baca surah kahfi secara berjemaah.

Another attempt.

Hye! I'm trying out this new setting which I just changed. It's kind of exciting especially when it works. And also to see how the output becomes. Currently, the adaptor for Belle(laptop) is sick. Until I have money, I can't blog from my laptop. So, I'm finding ways to blog. Just some alternatives. Since, I'm also having problem to blog using my phone. It takes forever just to load the post page!

Testing 1 2 3. Oh, this is sooo exciting! Hehe. ;p

Congratulations Puan Ain and Encik Hamidi.

Salam.

With Puan Ain. 

*I stole smaller sister's shawl ;p*

Congratulations Puan Ain and Encik Hamidi. May your marriage stays until heaven. And granted beautiful children by heart. Soleh and solehah each and every one of them. It's a last minute decision. I've been trying to find ways to go for this wedding since last week. The wedding is somewhere in Johor. I asked kakak. Asked practicum mate. Asked university colleagues. PPSMers. Since they are planning to convoy. But somehow, it looks like every car is full. The space is occupied. I won't have problem going. But the problem of how to come back to Selangor is what that matters. Since, I thought of going for a best friend's brother's wedding which is on Sunday(today) that at the end I didn't even go to. Haha. Sorry Zahira. I don't have transport. And and, I'm still tired of yesterday's journey. Back pain. 

Luckily the problem of how to go back settled. Thanks to Farah and Mimah which somehow thought of many different ways and suggestions for me. And to Farah for accompanying me all my way back to Selangor. And to Yana who helped us buying the tickets earlier. Problem solved. 

Oh. On Friday evening at 6.30 pm, I am suppose to meet up Syafiq and others at MASJID JAMEK. What I had in mind is the Masjid Jamek LRT station. Arrived at the LRT station, I called Syafiq. It was horror. Since I only have Syafiq's number kept in my phone and I don't have others number. And yes. At emergency times like that, My Celcom phone is sick and out of credit. When I finally get through, I realised that I'm suppose to go for MASJID JAMEK instead. Oh my. Never been there. Walked myself confidently, I saw the mosque's kubah. And did saw Syafiq in his car. Haha.

It was five of us in the car at first. Syafiq, Azhar, Shyzuan, Safawa and me. I rarely talked to Safawa while we were still a student. So, what happened when you're in a car full of actuarist? Well, I laughed when they cracked jokes, and gained some knowledge from their conversations. Although I don't understand much. Still, it's knowledge. Oh, my stomach aches because of too much laughing. The stopped at BBB Tomyam for dinner at 8+ p.m.. Since, that is one of their favorite restaurant while we are still students. 

At BBB Tomyam, we met Sarra, Yati, Mimah, Farah and Farah KTHO. Then we exchange the passengers, since Azhar needs to drive Sarra's car. Thus, Farah KTHO joins Syafiq's carpool. Around 10, we started our journey again. Since there was lots of cars on road, we arrived JB at 3 a.m.

Arriving at Ain' place by 12+, I met Yana, Siti, Aida and Ida. Oh. Ain of course. By 1.30+ she was ready for the event. Dressed Blue+white coloured dress, she looked gorgeous. Encik Hamidi arrived by 2.00+. And the photography session starts. Oh, since it's a Johorean wedding, of course there were tolls on the bridegroom's way to meet up the bride. 

By 3.00+ I'm ready to head back to Selangor. It's a short time to meet up Ida and share stories. I almost cred saying goodbye to her. The bus ticket was at 4.30. Since Mimah was on her way back to her hometown, she followed me and Farah to the bus station. Thanks to Syafiq for sending us there. 

Arrived the TBS at 9+ p.m. Daddy and other sisters arrived there already to pick me up. 

And this journey, its a nice one. Although I almost get a heart attack because of something unexpected, I'm glad that I finally make it to be there on Ain's red letter day. There is this few sentences that I still remembered until today. It was very meaningful. Since it was from a guy friend that have known me since first year , it made my day. I mean like, your friends actually have your back. Sometimes, they are watching from afar. And praying that you get the best in your life. But we sometimes don't notice that.

Thank you for the, "I'm glad to hear that." and others.

Above all, thank you everyone for this journey. Mummy, Daddy. Friends. It's a less than 24 hours meet up, yet it made my day. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Motif?

Salam.

Salah satu paling tak disukai is bila bangun pagi tu, and teringat mimpi, and, it's scary! I hate nightmares. I really really do. Macam, ada orang kata, mimpi tu mainan syaitan. Ada juga yang kata, mimpi tu petunjuk. Ada orang kata, dari mimpi tu, boleh tahu saka ke tak. Mungkin, rindu. Rindu nak bersama mereka. Bertukar tukar cerita. Oh, I need new environment. I really really do.

Siang bual bual dengan Kokyun. Then before tidur, macam komen conversation dengan jejaka jejaka ini. There's a part of the dream, it happens that Kokyun was driving with me beside her, and we passed by these shops, and the boys are in the shops. Pakai baju merah. Motif?

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

my first day.

Salam.

My smaller sister said that my blog is depressing. Haha! If you read this, hye smaller sister! Sorry for that. I know that she reads my blog. It's just that I'm not sure of how frequent that she reads my blog. I'll try my best to make this blog more inspiring and informative for the readers. TRY. :p

Okay. That's for the introduction. Now, for the contain. Yesterday was my first day. Of what? I guess you should understand already. Fact is, the p.i.c. was on leave. So, I didn't get stuffs for to do my task yet. The only thing that I can do is to review the forms. Yet, until the afternoon, I end up bugging kakak. Luckily she don't have much work to do yesterday. She taught me about her work. Lots of numbers. Key in wrongly, problems occurs. The best thing is, my task, currently, none of the team members is doing the same as mine. And and and I am so gonna try to improve me English. More vocabs, please! :p 

Oh. I have a new neighbour. But's he's in different division. And I didn't have time to talk with him much except to say hye when I arrived.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

 

Planning things.

Salam.

Last week, during the weekdays, I was busy helping Mommy getting lil brother prepared with his things for his tertiary education's registration. But actually I don't help much. Except guiding lil of how to open a bank account. And accompanying Mommy in the car. Hehe. Settled. And there was like I don't really remember when. Mommy was kind of worried about lil brother. Since he's the eldest son. I bet any mother's soft spot is the eldest son(if they have any). We were having a meal. And Daddy and Mommy was reminding him of how to manage himself during his studies, not to wake up late, and stuff. I bet your parents did this. 

There was this one point.
Mommy : We need to plan our future.
Me : I planned.
I guess Mommy does understood what I meant.
Mommy : But there are times where things doesn't happen the way we planned.

Sometimes, there are point where those frustrations came back. Suddenly I was full of hatred, anger, where I thought of revenge. I felt like I've wasted some years. Too many things to remind me of the past. But until that one point, I really need to let things go. Kena redha. I really do. If not, it's like I was being cruel to myself, my family, my friends and him. Just by not letting myself happy. 

And I went for lil bro registration. And it's my first time and last I guess. My lil brother is big already! All the best. Here goes. Another Actuarial student in making. Yet, if people are interested in doing mathematics, or actuary, I will really suggest them to go do Statistics. More companies needs statisticians, instead of actuary or mathematicians. That's what I thought. It's kind of tough to get job by your major these days.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Kali pertama.

Salam.

Beberapa tahun lepas, setiap satunya mesti diselitkan memori kisah itu. Kisah kau dan aku dan mereka. Manis, pahit, masam, masin semuanya kita telan sama sama. Atas dasar berbakti. Namun, tahun ini jualah, mungkin kali pertama bagi kali kali yang seterusnya, kisah yang setiap tahun itu tidak berlaku. Saya tidak tahu bagaimana hendak ditafsirkan perasaan ini. Bukan merajuk, bukan tawar hati. Cuma bersyukur, keputusan yang diambil itu tidak membunuh diri. Masih boleh hidup di bumi Allah ini. Namun, banyak lagi yang perlu diselesaikan. Tatkala tawaran datang untuk sama sama pergi dengan mereka, hati berbunga bunga, melompat lompat. Namun, kalau berterusan cair dengan ajakan mereka, sampai bila bila pun perjuangan itu takkan berhenti. Sampai satu masa, setiap satu yang dilakukan itu perlu ada titik noktahnya. Fokus kepada yang lebih utama. Andai ada peluang untuk bersama, dengan izinNya, pasti akan bertemu jua. Di sini, langkah kaki ini semakin perlahan untuk perjuangan itu. 

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

I can only laugh.

Salam. 

Again, it happened again. And again, at first I refused. Playing with words. Dragging the topic. Making the conversation longer. At the end, I said, iff. Full stop. Sometimes, I don't understand parents. Like they want their kids to be like independent. Finding money, buying stuff themselves. I mean like, so that the kids learned of how to manage their pocket money. It's like, whoa, I'm so proud that my son/daughter is graduating in well known University in the whole wide world. Going to have a professional career. But, the problem is that, do you know that giving them tight budget, I mean if you don't listen to your sons/daughter much, they end up hooked up with debt with everyone around them.

Macam strict sangat kat anak pun susah. lenient sangat pun susah. I'm lucky enough that I grow up in a moderate family. There are times where parents do become strict. And there are times where they let us do what we wanted to. 

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

go away, please.

Salam. few months it have been. yet the pain is still there. thinking that you didn't keep your promises. riza said, 'kalau dia lelaki yang baik, dia akan pegang janji dia'. sanchez said, 'kalau betul niat dia baik, Allah akan tolong'. tapi macam tak fair dia dapat move on. hati ini rasa jahat. macam taknak dia happy since apa yang dah jadi. i know i was also wrong. tapi macam, why does he needs to be in KL? and i yang kena elak dia? kenapa dia tak pergi je balik tempat dia tu? dia yang datang my territory. go away. i take back what i said. that we will still be friends. we will still be friends, if i can accept what happen. i met wrong people so that i will appreciate the right one. orang kata, jodoh kita sentiasa dekat je. i want to move on. i really really do, but you, please go away. back to your place. kat sana pun ada company yang you kerja tu kan? company you kan hebat, dapat bb, dapat line free, dapat bonus 8 bulan. pergilah sana balik. 

I'm not going!

Salam.

Can you people stop asking that question? I'm not going to be a facilitator for KMNS's orientation week anymore. Go see the name list. My name isn't in there. So why should I even go there? Meeting? I don't know. 35:65. Not going:Going.

9(2) please be real.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

 

5 years has it been.

Salam.

Last night, I can't sleep well. So I keep getting myself awake without me intended to do so. Around 5 a.m. in the morning, I realized that I get a text message in my Maxis phone. Read it for the first time. Huh? Read it again. And again and again. The next thing that happen is that the feeling of sadness comes. I feel bad. I wished I could be by her side.

Salam. Mak (Siti Hawa Mat Elah) selamat pulg ke Rahmatullah jam 9.23 pm td(kanser susu). Skrg kami di rumah Sepang. Kebumi esok insyaALLAH. Semoga ALLAH merahmati pemergian arwah mak. Amin.

I met her 5 years ago. Few times while me and Ainto were still roomies. And that's the last time. Al-Fatihah for aunty. May we meet in heaven. I hope, Ainto and family are strong enough accepting this news.



Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Almost one hour.

Salam.

It had been quite a while we didn't meet each other. I mean with this one person. Since... I don't remember when. But what I know is that it's like few months already. Tried to meet up. But everything is in ALLAH's hands. Maybe we'll meet up in better condition. Or at least, we still keep in touch. 

We chatted ourselves out. Although my voice sounded weird since I'm not in a good condition, and him himself wanted to disturb me at the first place, so we just talked ourselves out. Updating each other. All the best for your current studies. May you pass with flying colors. Flying Alwani.  Aha.

Me : We didn't talk for a long time.

Him : Not your fault.

Somehow, I feel bad with what happened. When you used to share almost everything; your favorite songs, articles, and suddenly everything changed, it felt different. I guess people do change. Or, I don't really know people, by heart. But I still believe that everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. 

And talking to this big little brother, somehow, he inspires me in his own way. Achieve your dreams. No matter how different it may become from ordinary people. As long as it's not against Islam, just do it. 

A best friend told me this. And I told this big little brother this. It's in Malay though. "Kalau niat kita baik, ALLAH pasti akan bantu kita." And he hold to this. And it happens to him. See?

It's like, when you've decided that you wanted to change, for a better person, HE will help us. In HIS ways. The thing is that, will we realize HIS help? It's like everything that we have in this world is according to HIS blessings. You won't feel that calm if you're not blessed.   

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

The eternal life.

Salam. 

In these few days, I'm in a major dilemma. MAJOR. Or maybe I exaggerate. Have you been into the situation where you tried your best but somehow it looks like it doesn't turn out the way you expected. Thus you get another chance to get something similar with the first and somehow when it's time for you to prove that you deserved the second one, you get the news that you get your first chance? It seems that it turned out well somehow. Or at least, at that current time, it does turn out well. Way than you expected. Yet, you cannot back off from the second chance and you just work it out and somehow, you get through. Now, it;s time to choose. Which one is better. And time is running out. Decisions. Decisions.

The thing is that, I'm at home for... Almost a year now. Getting myself back on my feet. With some help from others, of course. Somehow, I guess, it's time for me to catch up. I'm left behind wayyy long than I've expected.  Try make yourself depressed. And you'll know. =p Or at least, I though I was.

Last few weeks, I went for an interview. Post? It's something related to customer service. Consumer product company. It's not Mathematics, of course. A friend asked, whether I wanted to try for that post. Send her my resume, some time later, I get a call.  Went for that interview, hoping for it. Since it's not in KL. Met that friend. She told me that her boss said that my English is good. But somehow, it seems that I looked preserved. Aha. That's when I lose hope. 

Last Tuesday, I playfully went applying for the same post I failed on the interview last few months. So the person in charge asked me whether I wanted to try for some other job. Located in KL. A bank. The interview was on last Friday evening. The p.i.c. called me on Thursday confirming that I'll go for that interview. Confirmed. 

Friday Morning, news was I got the job for the first one! "I'm preserved. Aha." Thus it makes me not wanting to go through KL for the interview. Hey no! Of course I need to maintain my reputation. I went there. WITHOUT ME STUDYING neither about the bank nor the job . And there goes, "What do you know about this bank?" I talked crap. And they condemned me. A bit. Finished the interview, the interviewer looks like they don't want me and I went for the LRT. I almost managed to get into the train until... the p.i.c. called. "Hey Alwani, where are you? You get the job. Can you come back?" "Seriously?" "Yes. Come back so I can explain." I went there again, told her I'm considering, and headed back home. The p.i.c. is so cool. I liked her style though.

how i wish this ERL existed in my home town.

And here I am, still considering. It's a bank. And did you know that if you used to work in a bank, chances for you to get hired by other banks is also high? It's good for your future. Did you know that? I do. And did you know that if you used to work with that X bank, the chances is higher to get hired by other companies? Okay. This statement is psycho. And did you know that the bank is in KL and it can make your heart breaks again? And did you know that what will happen to you if you are going through those public transports EVERYDAY with others coming back from work? And did you know that if you can go through all these it shows that you are actually a strong girl. Stronger than you've expected? And did you know that you have a really selfish, and ridiculously jealous big brother that wants you to grow up?

It's true. It's a bank. But I don't wanna get myself hurt anymore. I don't wanna do stupid stuffs anymore. I wanna be nice. And good. And I wanna be happy in the eternal life. 

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

i rasa...

Salam. have you ever been in a situation where you don't have heart in doing something? i do. and i've learned that if i don't have heart in doing it, better don't cause it won't work out. macam bila perasaan ikhlas itu dah tiada, nanti ada dugaan sikit, dah nak give up, buat kerja pun sambil lewa, last last menyusahkan orang, buat orang sakit hati. sejak pelawaan itu datang, selalu terfikir, berfikir. nak ke taknak. hati kata... taknak. kesian? alah. kan ada LAGI RAMAI ORANG lain yang namanya disebut sebut sangat. MESTILAH diorang boleh tolong, kan? lagipun, kita ni bukan siapa siapa kan. takkan terasa kehilangan pun kalau kita takde. kita tahu, kita takdelah macam diuji selama mereka diuji. tapi... sampai sekarang still terasa tentang beberapa bulan lepas. i nak siapkan kerja ni cepat cepat. bagi barang barang ni semua. report? haha. tak siap pun lagi. hebat kan? then i nak kejar i punya target itu. sebelum bulan 9. sebab tawaran itu sangat menarik. harap harap dapat kejar. yakin boleh tentu boleh.! *kakak, nak g FH...! dan... melaka masih menarik. abang I cakap boleh jadi tourist guide~ hihi. tapi tak tahu bila. dia busy. =( *

-Dah Malas-

Salam.

Dah malas dah nak blogging. Makin lama makin merapu cerita, makin tak berfaedah. Sorry. Minta maaf.
 
Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Gloria, janganlah sakit. T_T

Salam.

Dah beberapa tahun, adik I ajar. Okay. Adik I tak ajar tapi I yang terpengaruh dengan dia. Adik I ada habit suka namakan barang. Cam dulu dia ada dua sweater. Satu dia namakan Jesse, satu Lucas. Lucas tu sempena Lucas Scott yang One Tree Hill tu. Jesse? I lupa sebab apa. Haha. Then dia beli sweater lagi. Tak tahulah nape dia suka beli sweater banyak banyak ni. Cam best je. Yang baru tu nama dia Merlin. Sebab dia suka tengok cerita Merlin. 

So I terpengaruh. Laptop I bagi nama Belle. Cam Belle dalam Beauty and the Beast. Then satu phone yang dah hilang nama dia Mikey. Sempena Michaelangelo dalam Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Adik angkat I kutuk cerita ini. Apa I kisah. Aha. Then phone pink I jadi Pinky. Then ada phone lagi nama dia Bert. Cam dalam Sesame Street. Nak pilih antara Grumpy atau Bert sebab dua dua cam garang. Tapi Nama Grumpy cam negatif lah pula kan. Then pergi bilik kakak cam, external tak bagi nama lagi. Bagi nama Gloria. Cam dalam Madagascar tu. Perasan tak Gloria tu walaupun cam gemuk tapi tetap HOT? 

Okay. Mukadimah sangat panjang. So, tersebutlah kisah. I taknak Gloria sakit. Nak deliver tshirt niiiiiiiiiiiiii.

=((

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Jangan pandang belakang.

Salam.

Orang cakap, kalau nak happy, jangan fikir pasal apa yang dah lepas. I rasa happy dengan apa yang I ada sekarang ini. Taknak sesakkan fikiran dengan menda yang lepas dah. Banyak kena fikir tentang future. Kerja pun belum jumpa lagi. This weekend macam langkah pertama untuk langkah-langkah seterusnya. Ya ALLAH, berkatilah tindakanKU. Ku pohon yang terbaik buat ku, buat dia, buat kami umatMU. Sesungguhnya, engkau MAHA MENGETAHUI. 

Kadang kadang, unexpected things happen in unexpected times. Kadang terasa macam cepat sangat. Tapi bila teringat ada kawan kawan tanya. "Sekarang? Happy tak? Itu yang penting." My answer, "Happy". So, kalau benda itu happy and tak salah, why doubt yourself kan? Kena move on. Kalau tak nanti BANYAK sangat time wasted. 

Now, nak siapkan report. Hal tshirt. Nanti nak settlekan hal tshirt anak anak murid kesayangan pula. Funny bila pelajar tingkatan 3 and 4 LAGI PENYABAR dari pelajar universiti. Dan pos surat surat adik adik kesayangan. *tak seronok lah post terus lepas event. =P* Banyak benda kena settle. And kalau nak orang baik baik kena jadi baik, kan? Berusaha~

Syukur, ALHAMDULILLAH.
Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

"The Internet Is Forever"

Salam.

"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place." George Bernard Shaw
"The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had." Eric Schmidt

As usual. Monday night is Criminal Minds episode. 5X22 "The Internet Is Forever". And this series creeps me. Actually every series pun creeps me. But somehow, lagi nak tengok. Sebab macam buat kita fikir the bad side of doing things. Macam bagi kita fikir lebih luas. Taklah one way je kan. 

Episode ini tells about ada this one person pilih mangsa from social networks. Macam mangsanya semua ada all kinds of social network. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, yada yada. Dan SANGAT rajin update status. Bagitahu nak pergi mana mana kan. And dia add kawan suka hati. I mean like, sebab kerja, nak promote stuff semua kan. So add people as friend. On the other hand, macam bukanlah kenal sangat orang itu macam mana. I mean like, you don't know dengan siapa you are sharing your daily life with. Tak creepy ke? And tanpa sedar macam ada people stalking you semua. And kena pula your face segment macam menarik bagi Stalker tu. Ha. Kan makes you lagi terdedah to be killed. I mean the unsub tu pilih mangsa ikut bentuk wajah. Semua kiraan ikut maths dia sama. And, ada lagi satu quote ini. "What's on the internet is always on the internet". 

Sebab Unsub ini sangat superb dengan internet ini. Macam hacker lah. Be careful with the people you deal with. Kita tak tahu apa yang dia tahu. But dia tahu apa yang kita tahu. Aha. And ada kawan ingatkan, be careful dengan webcam juga. Sebab ada software untuk hack webcam. Haaa. 

And yes, hari itu ada Earth Hour kan. Macam kat US, Criminal Minds punya episod juga, ada kena blackout sebab suhu tinggi sangat. Time gelap gelap itu ada serial killer tengah cari mangsa. ha. Takut tak? Senang nak buat jahat. Nak buat baik yang susah. 

Maybe I'm backdated kan. =P


Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Yang dikejar, orang bagaimana?

Salam.

Once, masa jadi fasi di Matriks, ada lecturer bagi soalan ini. Tiba tiba terjumpa balik. Simple psychology question about apa yang dicari dalam pasangan. maybe you people pernah dengar. Yet, I still wanna share. Mungkin betul. Mungkin salah.

Ujian Psikologi – Apa Sebab-Sebabnya Anda Memilih Pasangan Anda?

Ini suatu ujian psikologi yang sangat menarik. Ianya bukan sembarangan soalan kerana daripada jawapan yang diberikan, anda dapat mengetahui sebab-sebab mengapa seseorang itu memilih pasangan mereka. Walaupun ia cuma ramalan psikologi, namun ada juga kebenarannya.
Ada 5 perkara berlaku serentak.

1. Air Mendidih di Dapur
2. Air Paip Melimpah di Bilik Air
3. Bayi Menangis.
4. Telefon Berbunyi
5. Ada Orang Ketuk Pintu

SOALANNYA: Kalau anda diberi pilihan, apakah perkara yang anda akan urusakan dahulu?
Anda dikehendaki untuk susun perkara 1 ~ 5 tersebut mengikut kepentingan dan keutamaan yang anda fikirkan. Semua perkara tersebut mestilah diselesaikan. Susunlah ikut perkara yang anda rasa lebih penting untuk diselesaikan dahulu.
Bayangkan anda sedang mengalami keadaan seperti itu sekarang. Fikirkan dan timbangkan, apakah perkara yang anda akan selesaikan mengikut keutamaan anda.
Fikir…
Fikir…
Fikir…
Fikir…
Fikir…
Jika sudah habis berfikir, sila semak jawapan anda.






.... lihat di bawah ......
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JAWAPAN DAN ANALISIS
Apakah ciri/sifat/perkara yang anda utamakan dan pentingkan dalam memilih pasangan anda?

1. Kalau anda memilih untuk menutup air medidih: Ia menandakan anda mementingkan keselamatan dan kebolehan ’si dia’ untuk membimbing anda.

2. Kalau anda memilih untuk menutup pili air yang melimpah di bilik air :
Ia menandakan anda mementingkan kekayaan,wang ringgit dan harta.

3. Kalau anda memilih untuk memujuk bayi yang menangis : Ia menandakan anda mementingkan cinta dan kasih sayang.

4. Kalau anda memilih untuk mengangkat telefon yang sedang berbunyi : Ia menandakan anda mementingkan akhlak, budi bahasa dan perlakuan pasangan anda.

5. Kalau anda memilih untuk membuka pintu: Ia menandakan anda mementingkan rupa paras, fizikal luaran dan personaliti pasangan anda.


So, which did you choose...? I choose the baby as my first. 2nd telefon berbunyi. =)

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

it happens again.

Salam. i always felt that i'm not the kind of girl a guy would seek for. dalam erti kata lain, bukan orang baik baik. but i'm trying my best in being a nice one. obedient with islam. to be a muslimah. and in siblings, i'm the naughtiest. it's just that, when you have elders around you, you go for them to ask for advices. you said, i don't share. but whenever i tried to, you don't listen. or when i tried to, you judge. yet i didn't finish my stories yet. it hurts knowing that when someone else tells her stories, you stay and listen. then, what else should i do instead of keeping the stories for myself. i'm childish. i tell stories, knowing that they care. instead people saying that i don't grow up yet. but when i keep it to myself, you're asking whether i'm doing good or not cause your instinct says that i don't. i don't wanna quarrel. i really don't wanna. but everything that's happening hurts me so much. again, i'm traumatised. the person that promised to take care of me is the same person that hurts me. done. enough of promises. i won't believe in promises anymore. or sumpah.

Salam.

Menyintai Tidak Bermakna Memiliki

Janganlah kau angkuh melaungkan
si dia kepunyaanmu
atau kau kepunyaan si dia
kerana hakikatnya
kita tidak pernah memiliki sesiapa
walau sekeping hati seorang insan
tidakkah kau sedar
hukum alam menyatakan
menyintai tidak semestinya memiliki?

Manusia pandai berpura
berlakon di pentas dunia
dan bertopeng menutup rahsia
tetapi hati
tidak pernah berdusta pada empunya
tentang perasaan yang bergolak di dalamnya

Tidakkah kau sedar
mungkin si dia melafazkan
ungkapan cinta padamu
tetapi hati dan perasaannya
tidak pernah berniat begitu
dia hanya berselindung
di sebalik sejuta alasan

Dan kau
begitu jujur dan setia menyintainya
sehingga terlupa
hukum alam menyatakan
menyintai tidak bermakna memiliki

Sesungguhnya…
“Aku tidak pernah memiliki dirimu…
dan kau jua tidak memiliki diriku.”

Mengertilah
kita sebenarnya kepunyaan
Yang Maha Esa
tiada sesiapa berhak memiliki dir kita
kecuali Dia
Dia mengasihi hambaNya
Dia memiliki hambaNya
Dan ke pangkuan Dia kita kembali

Nukilan:
Adriana Adelina

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Bercuti di UK.

Salam.

Aha. Saya sedang bercuti di UK... Rasa macam vacation je. Perasaan? Satu perkataan. Happy.

Terima kasih kepada awak, awak, awak, dan semua semua lah yang berkaitan di atas wujudnya perasaan Happy ini. Yang penting, terima kasih, ya ALLAH kerana walaupun keadaan sekarang ini wujudnya bermacam macam masalah dunia, diri ini masih punya kesempatan untuk merasai apa itu Happy. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Sahabat.

Salam.

Sahabat ada buat post baru. You. post itu untuk I ke? If untuk I, I tak tau bila dapat jumpa you or tak tahu bila I dapat face you. I tak tahu. Dalam keadaan macam ini, I tak kuat nak jumpa sesiapa pun.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Dear blog. I feel bad.

Salam.

Dah lama I tak bercerita dalam ini. Macam selalu Isnin malam akan ada post pasal Criminal Minds kan, I tak post post lagi. Macam terlalu banyak perkara yang jadi. And I tak tahu nak express dalam ini macamana. Sebab takut nanti memburukkan lagi keadaan. Betul, this is my blog. Suka hati I lah nak tulis apa kan? Tapi... Apa yang I tulis, taip kat sini boleh backfire diri I sendiri. Ok lah. Senang cerita. I taknak hurt orang yang I sayang. Dah. Itu sebab sebenarnya. Sebab siapa yang baca blog ini, I assume care pasal diri I. Or dalam erti kata lain, nak tahu pasal diri I. Even i tak cakap dengan orang itu pun kan.

Just apa yang baru sangat berlaku ini memang tak buat I tenang. Sangat sangat tak. And I really hope that things will be better. tak kisahlah if I sendiri yang terbakar, hangus, hangit ke. I really hope that things will be better.

Last 2 days, secara tak sengaja, I hurt a little girl's feelings. Dalam situation itu, apa yang I fikir is I want to help her friend yang dah macam adik I dah. But my text tu macam, makes her hurt. I feel so bad. Macam, when you meet an elder sister, what you hope from her is that, she guides you, protects you, help you out. Macam macam expectations. LIfe kan macam tough. So, somehow, maybe dari hati seorang kakak kepada adik, mak kepada anak, nenek kepada cucu, lagi dekat. Walaupun character masing masing berbeza. Tapi instead, I, yang lagi elder ni buat dia hurt. Sangat sangat bad. I don't want her to end up being like me. I want her to have a better life. Dapat tempat yang lagi mulia di sisi Tuhan. Betul. Ada kakak ini buat I rasa sangat hurt. Walaupun bila ditanya, I tak nak ngaku kan. But, I don't have any reasons nak buat this little girl ni to feel the same way like I did. Macam I know how it felt. How dare me nak buat macam itu kat dia? Ya ALLAH. I really hope that things would be better for her. Tak kiralah I hangus ke hangit ke in this situation. As long as that little girl feels better. Or at least in this case dapat focus with her studies balik. I taknak jadi kejam macam kakak tu. Tapi somehow, I rasa macam I dah jadi kakak itu dah.

I bet little girl to felt this way.

Saya sangat kejammmmmmmm. Little girl. Saya sangat sangat sangat sangat sorry. Promise tak buat dah. I tak suka promise, but bila I dah promise I keep my promise.


Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.