Hopes and dreams.

Salam.

Ya ALLAH, permudahkanlah urusan kami.

 Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.


 

What have I done wrong?

Salam.

I did mistakes. That's what people are telling me. But what mistakes have I done? If I know nothing about it, how can I fix things over? People are saying I'm wrong, and being angry with me and I have no idea of what it is about. Tell me, please?

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Emotional day.

Salam. Hi people. How's Raya celebration? Best tak? Dah few days kan holiday habis. Macam, everyone pun must go back to reality. Work, studies and stuff. Tapi, kena ikhlas tau. Nanti rasa restless, grumpy je sebab tak ikhlas. Now, it's 2a.m. Esok kerja. Dan mata tak boleh nak tutup. okay. Bukan salah mata. I yang taknak tidur lagi. Sebab, tadi lepas Maghrib dah tidur. And macam rutin, around jam 12 terjaga. Kejap lagi tidurlah kan. Nak cakap sedih sekarang ni, macam sedihlah juga. Tapi, bila benda tu macam dah expected, and kita dah perasan hint hint tu, bila tahu the truth, macam sedih lah juga kan. Cuma tak teruk sangat. Sebab sempat prepare diri. Dan at least, kali ini, tahu the truth earlier kan. Daripada nanti macam percaya kata kata orang lagi lama, lagi sedih. Jatuh lagi bawah. Kalau jatuh lagi bawah, mungkin akan ambil masa lebih lama nak bangun. Mungkin. So, mungkin juga lebih cepat kan. Sebab dah pro. Hihi. To semua, sorry and thanks for EVERYTHING. Above all, sangat happy untuk Sanchez yang akan engage dengan kakak this Sunday. Mereka minta I ambilkan gambar. I minta kakak lain tolong. Tapi kakak tak boleh. So I minta tolong adik I. Nanti kita tengok hasil nya. Dahlah I tak reti ambil gambar. Selalu, akan shaky je. Ada abang ini, dah lama hilang. Selalu kalau festive season mesti ada text wish wish ke kan. *rasa tak sedap hati*

Ya Allah, aku redha andai perasaan cinta dan sayang yang kau kurniakan ini hanya untuk seketika. Terima kasih ya Allah, kerana memberikan aku peluang untuk merasakan kebahagiaan disayangi. Terima kasih ya Allah.

T-shirts

Hi. I went off thinking. There's this one thing which I felt frustrated of. T-shirts. Since end of last year, I'd been working out on doing this one t-shirt. I don't design it. But I only deal with the person in charge. Those kind of t-shirts where you design, for an organization and such, order, pay, then there goes some printing to be done, then you get your t-shirt.



Why I get frustrated?
1. I don't tell in detail, whether it should have hand curf or not; i only highlighted on collars and whether it's long or short sleeve.
2. The size is way larger than the buyers. i wish they'll grow bigger and fits those tshirts. i should have ask for the t-shirt measurements. 

3. It's expensive! Because it's in a small amount. 

4. I should have seen the finalize design of the t-shirt. Where the p.i.c. Needs to adjust the design so that it fits the printing size.
5. I dealt with the p.i.c. alone. Supposed that I get help from anyone when it comes to making decisions. 

I know, someone(s) is(are) way so disappointed with the result of the tshirt. I'm sorry. My very very very bad.

I hate you!

Not again.

I guess that I'm having depression again. Dislikes this. I dreamed that I'm carrying a baby again. And I hate this kind of dream. Cause it might means something negative. Might. 

Yup. I'm the bad daughter. Kannn? 





Baik ke jahat?

Salam. 

Just a question. If you need to pick, antara a person yang baik, yang selalu pergi kelas, homework semua siap, cakap pun sopan sopan, treat you so so so nice, and a person yang memang nakal/jahat(certain people, they considers yang nakal tu jahat), pernah ponteng kelas, cikgu/lecturers ingat sebab dia naughty/jahat, tapi at the same time, still treats you so so so nice, which would you pick? 

Macam semua orang pun ada two sides. Ada yang baik dan ada yang jahat. Yang baik tu still boleh jadi jahat. It's just that, you would never know how jahat is jahat for that person. And, if orang yang nakal/jahat tu pula, you dah tau how jahat is jahat, and how baik is baik. It's just that, yang baik boleh jadi jahat dan yang jahat boleh jadi baik, or lagi jahat. But you need to remember, semua orang ada part jahat dan baik itu. So, which would you choose?

Jangan kata kalau tak kenal.

Salam.
Saya bukanlah seorang yang berkelulusan sekolah agama. Setahun sahaja sekolah agama. Masa Darjah 1. Masuk sekolah asrama, saya sertai Ahli Surau. *sekarang panggil Imtiaz* Dengan niat nak belajar. Ada satu perasaan yang sangat tenang bila dikelilingi gadis baik baik, yang bertudung labuh. Dan saya suka perasaan itu. Sejak sekolah asrama itu, saya cuba jadi orang yang lebih baik. Terutamanya dari segi agama. Di situ, saya dapat keyakinan untuk menjadi seorang Imam. Walaupun sekolah itu sekolah asrama yang semasa makannya, wajib makan dengan sudu. Yang paling paling ingat adalah masa matriks, masa universiti. Tiap tiap malam jalan jauh jauh dengan kawan nak pergi dewan solat tarawih beramai ramai, mahupun dengar ceramah. Atau, masa program anjuran Rabbani+Gamis. Rasa tenang lebih lebih lagi melihat perwatakan mereka. Rindu. Dan saya masih cuba untuk menjadi diri yang lebih baik. Atau sekurang kurangnya, memberi kebaikan pada orang sekeliling. Cuma, saya agak terkilan. Saya bukanlah seorang yang sempurna. Kadang kadang, rasa diri sangat nakal. Suka berjalan jalan berjumpa kawan. Dan bukanlah contoh yang baik untuk adik adik. Tapi, saya tetap cuba. Dan mungkin, kawan saya tidaklah sebaik atau sesempurna kawan kawan orang lain. Namun, tidakkah lebih baik jika cuba mengenalnya dahulu sebelum melontarkan kesimpulan tentang dirinya? Sebab saya yang nakal, orang lain yang dipersalahkan. Kejam untuk dia.

Planning things.

Salam.

Last week, during the weekdays, I was busy helping Mommy getting lil brother prepared with his things for his tertiary education's registration. But actually I don't help much. Except guiding lil of how to open a bank account. And accompanying Mommy in the car. Hehe. Settled. And there was like I don't really remember when. Mommy was kind of worried about lil brother. Since he's the eldest son. I bet any mother's soft spot is the eldest son(if they have any). We were having a meal. And Daddy and Mommy was reminding him of how to manage himself during his studies, not to wake up late, and stuff. I bet your parents did this. 

There was this one point.
Mommy : We need to plan our future.
Me : I planned.
I guess Mommy does understood what I meant.
Mommy : But there are times where things doesn't happen the way we planned.

Sometimes, there are point where those frustrations came back. Suddenly I was full of hatred, anger, where I thought of revenge. I felt like I've wasted some years. Too many things to remind me of the past. But until that one point, I really need to let things go. Kena redha. I really do. If not, it's like I was being cruel to myself, my family, my friends and him. Just by not letting myself happy. 

And I went for lil bro registration. And it's my first time and last I guess. My lil brother is big already! All the best. Here goes. Another Actuarial student in making. Yet, if people are interested in doing mathematics, or actuary, I will really suggest them to go do Statistics. More companies needs statisticians, instead of actuary or mathematicians. That's what I thought. It's kind of tough to get job by your major these days.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Kali pertama.

Salam.

Beberapa tahun lepas, setiap satunya mesti diselitkan memori kisah itu. Kisah kau dan aku dan mereka. Manis, pahit, masam, masin semuanya kita telan sama sama. Atas dasar berbakti. Namun, tahun ini jualah, mungkin kali pertama bagi kali kali yang seterusnya, kisah yang setiap tahun itu tidak berlaku. Saya tidak tahu bagaimana hendak ditafsirkan perasaan ini. Bukan merajuk, bukan tawar hati. Cuma bersyukur, keputusan yang diambil itu tidak membunuh diri. Masih boleh hidup di bumi Allah ini. Namun, banyak lagi yang perlu diselesaikan. Tatkala tawaran datang untuk sama sama pergi dengan mereka, hati berbunga bunga, melompat lompat. Namun, kalau berterusan cair dengan ajakan mereka, sampai bila bila pun perjuangan itu takkan berhenti. Sampai satu masa, setiap satu yang dilakukan itu perlu ada titik noktahnya. Fokus kepada yang lebih utama. Andai ada peluang untuk bersama, dengan izinNya, pasti akan bertemu jua. Di sini, langkah kaki ini semakin perlahan untuk perjuangan itu. 

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

I can only laugh.

Salam. 

Again, it happened again. And again, at first I refused. Playing with words. Dragging the topic. Making the conversation longer. At the end, I said, iff. Full stop. Sometimes, I don't understand parents. Like they want their kids to be like independent. Finding money, buying stuff themselves. I mean like, so that the kids learned of how to manage their pocket money. It's like, whoa, I'm so proud that my son/daughter is graduating in well known University in the whole wide world. Going to have a professional career. But, the problem is that, do you know that giving them tight budget, I mean if you don't listen to your sons/daughter much, they end up hooked up with debt with everyone around them.

Macam strict sangat kat anak pun susah. lenient sangat pun susah. I'm lucky enough that I grow up in a moderate family. There are times where parents do become strict. And there are times where they let us do what we wanted to. 

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

go away, please.

Salam. few months it have been. yet the pain is still there. thinking that you didn't keep your promises. riza said, 'kalau dia lelaki yang baik, dia akan pegang janji dia'. sanchez said, 'kalau betul niat dia baik, Allah akan tolong'. tapi macam tak fair dia dapat move on. hati ini rasa jahat. macam taknak dia happy since apa yang dah jadi. i know i was also wrong. tapi macam, why does he needs to be in KL? and i yang kena elak dia? kenapa dia tak pergi je balik tempat dia tu? dia yang datang my territory. go away. i take back what i said. that we will still be friends. we will still be friends, if i can accept what happen. i met wrong people so that i will appreciate the right one. orang kata, jodoh kita sentiasa dekat je. i want to move on. i really really do, but you, please go away. back to your place. kat sana pun ada company yang you kerja tu kan? company you kan hebat, dapat bb, dapat line free, dapat bonus 8 bulan. pergilah sana balik. 

I'm not going!

Salam.

Can you people stop asking that question? I'm not going to be a facilitator for KMNS's orientation week anymore. Go see the name list. My name isn't in there. So why should I even go there? Meeting? I don't know. 35:65. Not going:Going.

9(2) please be real.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

 

i rasa...

Salam. have you ever been in a situation where you don't have heart in doing something? i do. and i've learned that if i don't have heart in doing it, better don't cause it won't work out. macam bila perasaan ikhlas itu dah tiada, nanti ada dugaan sikit, dah nak give up, buat kerja pun sambil lewa, last last menyusahkan orang, buat orang sakit hati. sejak pelawaan itu datang, selalu terfikir, berfikir. nak ke taknak. hati kata... taknak. kesian? alah. kan ada LAGI RAMAI ORANG lain yang namanya disebut sebut sangat. MESTILAH diorang boleh tolong, kan? lagipun, kita ni bukan siapa siapa kan. takkan terasa kehilangan pun kalau kita takde. kita tahu, kita takdelah macam diuji selama mereka diuji. tapi... sampai sekarang still terasa tentang beberapa bulan lepas. i nak siapkan kerja ni cepat cepat. bagi barang barang ni semua. report? haha. tak siap pun lagi. hebat kan? then i nak kejar i punya target itu. sebelum bulan 9. sebab tawaran itu sangat menarik. harap harap dapat kejar. yakin boleh tentu boleh.! *kakak, nak g FH...! dan... melaka masih menarik. abang I cakap boleh jadi tourist guide~ hihi. tapi tak tahu bila. dia busy. =( *

-Dah Malas-

Salam.

Dah malas dah nak blogging. Makin lama makin merapu cerita, makin tak berfaedah. Sorry. Minta maaf.
 
Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Gloria, janganlah sakit. T_T

Salam.

Dah beberapa tahun, adik I ajar. Okay. Adik I tak ajar tapi I yang terpengaruh dengan dia. Adik I ada habit suka namakan barang. Cam dulu dia ada dua sweater. Satu dia namakan Jesse, satu Lucas. Lucas tu sempena Lucas Scott yang One Tree Hill tu. Jesse? I lupa sebab apa. Haha. Then dia beli sweater lagi. Tak tahulah nape dia suka beli sweater banyak banyak ni. Cam best je. Yang baru tu nama dia Merlin. Sebab dia suka tengok cerita Merlin. 

So I terpengaruh. Laptop I bagi nama Belle. Cam Belle dalam Beauty and the Beast. Then satu phone yang dah hilang nama dia Mikey. Sempena Michaelangelo dalam Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Adik angkat I kutuk cerita ini. Apa I kisah. Aha. Then phone pink I jadi Pinky. Then ada phone lagi nama dia Bert. Cam dalam Sesame Street. Nak pilih antara Grumpy atau Bert sebab dua dua cam garang. Tapi Nama Grumpy cam negatif lah pula kan. Then pergi bilik kakak cam, external tak bagi nama lagi. Bagi nama Gloria. Cam dalam Madagascar tu. Perasan tak Gloria tu walaupun cam gemuk tapi tetap HOT? 

Okay. Mukadimah sangat panjang. So, tersebutlah kisah. I taknak Gloria sakit. Nak deliver tshirt niiiiiiiiiiiiii.

=((

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Jangan pandang belakang.

Salam.

Orang cakap, kalau nak happy, jangan fikir pasal apa yang dah lepas. I rasa happy dengan apa yang I ada sekarang ini. Taknak sesakkan fikiran dengan menda yang lepas dah. Banyak kena fikir tentang future. Kerja pun belum jumpa lagi. This weekend macam langkah pertama untuk langkah-langkah seterusnya. Ya ALLAH, berkatilah tindakanKU. Ku pohon yang terbaik buat ku, buat dia, buat kami umatMU. Sesungguhnya, engkau MAHA MENGETAHUI. 

Kadang kadang, unexpected things happen in unexpected times. Kadang terasa macam cepat sangat. Tapi bila teringat ada kawan kawan tanya. "Sekarang? Happy tak? Itu yang penting." My answer, "Happy". So, kalau benda itu happy and tak salah, why doubt yourself kan? Kena move on. Kalau tak nanti BANYAK sangat time wasted. 

Now, nak siapkan report. Hal tshirt. Nanti nak settlekan hal tshirt anak anak murid kesayangan pula. Funny bila pelajar tingkatan 3 and 4 LAGI PENYABAR dari pelajar universiti. Dan pos surat surat adik adik kesayangan. *tak seronok lah post terus lepas event. =P* Banyak benda kena settle. And kalau nak orang baik baik kena jadi baik, kan? Berusaha~

Syukur, ALHAMDULILLAH.
Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

it happens again.

Salam. i always felt that i'm not the kind of girl a guy would seek for. dalam erti kata lain, bukan orang baik baik. but i'm trying my best in being a nice one. obedient with islam. to be a muslimah. and in siblings, i'm the naughtiest. it's just that, when you have elders around you, you go for them to ask for advices. you said, i don't share. but whenever i tried to, you don't listen. or when i tried to, you judge. yet i didn't finish my stories yet. it hurts knowing that when someone else tells her stories, you stay and listen. then, what else should i do instead of keeping the stories for myself. i'm childish. i tell stories, knowing that they care. instead people saying that i don't grow up yet. but when i keep it to myself, you're asking whether i'm doing good or not cause your instinct says that i don't. i don't wanna quarrel. i really don't wanna. but everything that's happening hurts me so much. again, i'm traumatised. the person that promised to take care of me is the same person that hurts me. done. enough of promises. i won't believe in promises anymore. or sumpah.

Bercuti di UK.

Salam.

Aha. Saya sedang bercuti di UK... Rasa macam vacation je. Perasaan? Satu perkataan. Happy.

Terima kasih kepada awak, awak, awak, dan semua semua lah yang berkaitan di atas wujudnya perasaan Happy ini. Yang penting, terima kasih, ya ALLAH kerana walaupun keadaan sekarang ini wujudnya bermacam macam masalah dunia, diri ini masih punya kesempatan untuk merasai apa itu Happy. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.