Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dgn jalan sabar dan mengerjakan
sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk.

Al-Baqarah 2:45


The eternal life.


In these few days, I'm in a major dilemma. MAJOR. Or maybe I exaggerate. Have you been into the situation where you tried your best but somehow it looks like it doesn't turn out the way you expected. Thus you get another chance to get something similar with the first and somehow when it's time for you to prove that you deserved the second one, you get the news that you get your first chance? It seems that it turned out well somehow. Or at least, at that current time, it does turn out well. Way than you expected. Yet, you cannot back off from the second chance and you just work it out and somehow, you get through. Now, it;s time to choose. Which one is better. And time is running out. Decisions. Decisions.

The thing is that, I'm at home for... Almost a year now. Getting myself back on my feet. With some help from others, of course. Somehow, I guess, it's time for me to catch up. I'm left behind wayyy long than I've expected.  Try make yourself depressed. And you'll know. =p Or at least, I though I was.

Last few weeks, I went for an interview. Post? It's something related to customer service. Consumer product company. It's not Mathematics, of course. A friend asked, whether I wanted to try for that post. Send her my resume, some time later, I get a call.  Went for that interview, hoping for it. Since it's not in KL. Met that friend. She told me that her boss said that my English is good. But somehow, it seems that I looked preserved. Aha. That's when I lose hope. 

Last Tuesday, I playfully went applying for the same post I failed on the interview last few months. So the person in charge asked me whether I wanted to try for some other job. Located in KL. A bank. The interview was on last Friday evening. The p.i.c. called me on Thursday confirming that I'll go for that interview. Confirmed. 
Friday Morning, news was I got the job for the first one! "I'm preserved. Aha." Thus it makes me not wanting to go through KL for the interview. Hey no! Of course I need to maintain my reputation. I went there. WITHOUT ME STUDYING neither about the bank nor the job . And there goes, "What do you know about this bank?" I talked crap. And they condemned me. A bit. Finished the interview, the interviewer looks like they don't want me and I went for the LRT. I almost managed to get into the train until... the p.i.c. called. "Hey Alwani, where are you? You get the job. Can you come back?" "Seriously?" "Yes. Come back so I can explain." I went there again, told her I'm considering, and headed back home. The p.i.c. is so cool. I liked her style though.

how i wish this ERL existed in my home town.

And here I am, still considering. It's a bank. And did you know that if you used to work in a bank, chances for you to get hired by other banks is also high? It's good for your future. Did you know that? I do. And did you know that if you used to work with that X bank, the chances is higher to get hired by other companies? Okay. This statement is psycho. And did you know that the bank is in KL and it can make your heart breaks again? And did you know that what will happen to you if you are going through those public transports EVERYDAY with others coming back from work? And did you know that if you can go through all these it shows that you are actually a strong girl. Stronger than you've expected? And did you know that you have a really selfish, and ridiculously jealous big brother that wants you to grow up?

It's true. It's a bank. But I don't wanna get myself hurt anymore. I don't wanna do stupid stuffs anymore. I wanna be nice. And good. And I wanna be happy in the eternal life. 

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

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You know what’s beautiful?

Your eyes blinking, your pupils dilating when you’re euphoric, the curve of your smile, the shade of your teeth, the arch of your back, the fingers typing, the breathing thing you do, the thoughts. Your thoughts. How you think is beautiful; how a thought comes to mind is…a miracle, how you operate, how you are; just you. In every sense of the word; all your blood cells, neurons, organs, your limbs, your soul. You are breathtaking, mashaa’Allaah.


You can’t control the things that happen to you but you can control the way you react to them. It’s all perception.
You Again (Movie)