Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dgn jalan sabar dan mengerjakan
sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk.

Al-Baqarah 2:45

2023-02-08

Kerja tiada nilai.

Hi,
I woke up today feeling meh. Rasa frustrated. Tahun ni tahun ke 10 kerja sini as regular staff. Kalau campur contract, dah 12 tahun. This is my first job. I don't have benchmarks to compare. Macam other colleagues, they have benchmarks. What are the dos and don'ts. Macamana nak improve. For me, I just follow. I don't know if this can be done ke. Or we should improve this way ke. I don't know. Takde benchmark kan. Sekadar boleh tiru cara colleagues deal.

Pagi ni, semua nota-nota kata good job, keep up the good work la, I throw it away. Buku2 nota lama pun. Dulu kan, nak sangat position Planner ni. Rasa gah. Masa tu baru masuk as Supply Chain Assistant. kerja key in data dalam Excel. Sebab ada literacy in Excel masa tu, my exboss hired me. Lepastu jadi CS. Bila jadi CS, I blew it up. They moved me jadi Buyer. Sebab CS ni multitask. The bosses catch that I struggle with multitask jobs. Bila jadi Buyer tu OK sikit. Then move jadi Production Planner. Kenapa nak position ni? Sebab kan Pengerusi Alumni. Bila pihak sekolah tanya kerja apa, diorang nak yang hebat-hebat. Tapi yang hebat-hebat tu mana ada masa nak layan pihak sekolah macam-macam ni. So kitorang yang kerja biasa-biasa ni la yang jadi AJK. Nama Production Planner ni relate sikit dengan Degree in Maths. But actually, kalau education, ada Course Supply Chain Management kalau tak silap.

Anyways. Kerja ni takde nilai. Setakat siapkan kerja. Dapat gaji. Being kind wouldn't get the job done. Orang pijak kepala kita. Kena jadi aggressive. But being aggressive ni is against my nature.

I asked myself, apa yang aku buat selama ni? Duduk depan laptop sakit belakang, sakit mata. Dapat apa? Ada bagi sumbangan pape ke? Takde. Takde nilai.

Kerja yang paling satisfying dulu kan, jadi Instructor masa Kem Permata Pintar. I never thought I can be an Instructor. Boleh je cakap kuat-kuat masa ajar kan. Tapi tulah, Masters tak habis. Bodoh pergi bercinta masa Uni. Sekali hancur bercinta tu. Hancur masters tu. Duit pun habis.

You know what’s beautiful?

Your eyes blinking, your pupils dilating when you’re euphoric, the curve of your smile, the shade of your teeth, the arch of your back, the fingers typing, the breathing thing you do, the thoughts. Your thoughts. How you think is beautiful; how a thought comes to mind is…a miracle, how you operate, how you are; just you. In every sense of the word; all your blood cells, neurons, organs, your limbs, your soul. You are breathtaking, mashaa’Allaah.


:D

You can’t control the things that happen to you but you can control the way you react to them. It’s all perception.
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