Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dgn jalan sabar dan mengerjakan
sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk.

Al-Baqarah 2:45


where we are


lagu westlife where we are pun berputar2 dlm kepala.

Plz. understand.

Problems... go away.


Problems, plz plz plz do go away~
Just for  this month.

I wanna grad.
I wanna grad.
I wanna grad.

I can not bear this anymore.
It's getting tougher.
But I don't wanna give up.
I'm halfway there.

Singing and singing.

These few days, this song keeps repeating in my mind. In my music player.

 Rossa : Aku bukan untukmu
Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

I don't know whether I can still hold on.
It's getting tougher.
If only you knew how much i loved you. 
I don't wanna let you go.
But if it happens, saya redha.
Saya redha.
Saya dah penat.


A brother's wedding. So we gather up.


This post is going to be in Malay+English. Harap Maaf. Kesulitan amat dikesali.

Yesterday, I went for a trip to attend a brother's wedding at Johol. I have this one big family. We are like brothers and sisters. If they don't feel like it, I don't mind. Coz they are like my brothers and sisters. =)

This trip had been planned like few weeks before. It's like a convoy. At first I'm thinking of having 2 cars to come from UKM. But something turn up. So, for dan's car is me and yufi from UKM and also fadzli. Even the convoy from JB is also 4 peeps with consist of abg bad, udean, adik, and also fat. And there's a abg saufi and tqa. And also abg afiq+abg genz+boolat+zaini from kl.

Firstly, many things happened during organizing who is going to go from ukm. Despite that, my bestie Aina cancelled last minute. It's kind a bad news for me yesterday morning. But it's better for her not to tag along rather than threatening her own health. But, when I know that adik is coming also, it's as if the black cloud had moved away. And I also see the sun shining allll the way. Happy. And also that bulat manage to tag along. Finally. And also dan tagging along. =)

We gather up at the petronas at bukit putus. Firstly, dan's car arrive. Then it's abg saufi. While we were waiting at the hut outside the mesra, tqa came. Ok. I know she likes to make surprises. But because of Abg Deris's wedding she's willing to come all the wayyy from Penang. Impressing. Yet, I'm surprised. I wondered who will come for my wedding. Wait. Will I get married? =P Then bulat called. Saying that he's going to arrive wayyy late. Because of the jam in seremban. And their car cannot move. On the road. Next to a white Vios. Suddenly I saw them walking out of a black Avanza, parked next to a white Vios. Just in front of the hut. Cute right? See, they like to make surprises. That's why I love them even more. And the JB group arrives late because of they-went-for-some-searchi
ng. I really loooooove gatherings and meet ups. Especially when it comes to this big family of mine.

Then we went for Johol. I always thought that Johol is not far away from Pilah. Thinking that Udean used to follow abg deris went back to his house at johol there riding a motorbike once a loong time ago. But then, it's farther than what I had been expecting. Arrived. Ate. Have some chit chat. Sakated abg deris. Took some pictures. Yay! I meet kakak face to face already. It's funny when one of us insisted of abg deris to introduce his wife and he went, "mana ea mana ea?" where else kakak is just at the table nearby. And meet up kak atie and also kak ckin there. =) Then we went hunting for sir's house. and bob followed to sir's house.

Served at sir's house was mee bandung and apam balik. haih. Mother told me few days back not to have mee bandung. Because of my face is getting worse. So I didn't. Then I took the apam balik. But. I forgot that in apam balik there's kacang tanah, haih. My bad. I really need to do a strict diet. Seriously. I want my face to be better.

Ok. Sometimes, having your loved ones in front of your eyes can be very heavenly heaven. Eventhough you don't talk much with them. That's what happened to me yesterday, =)

And I regret it that I didn't went out of the car while at Giant Ampangan waiting for sir to arrive. But thinking that if I went out of the car I won't see the act where adik came banging the back of dan's car, (he sometimes does like to act crazy) I felt like ada hikmahnya. So, I don't regret it much. Yet I still felt like regretting it. Haha. =)

After maghrib we all went back. And around 930 pm I arrived room. It's a short meeting up. But I'm happy with it. Can we do it againnn? Next? It's going to be on June. The end of June. KL.

Thank you ALLAH for giving me this big family. And also giving me the chance to meet them up for this gathering. I love my this big family soooooo much. I really hope that kami semua sentiasa dalam keredhaanMu. *shedding tears* And success with flying colours. Dunia dan akhirat. Dan kami sama-sama dapat berjumpa semula di syurgaMU, Ya ALLAH. Take all of them away and I'll be emotionless.

Haih. I guess I need to stop. There is so much to be said when it comes to fc kmns. Eventhough it's just a small matter.

Not forgotten, thanks to abg Deris, Sir and also Dan. And Yufi to still accompanying me eventhough suppose to handle a dinner last night. Sorry for sending you late. tak lupa. thanks to semuaaaaaa yang datang.

And to adik, I know you don't read my blog. But it's fine. =) InsyaALLAH adik akan grad dalam masa 4 tahun. Haih. mereka2 ni jahat betul. Cakap tu doa tau. Adik mestilah nak habis cepat2. Nanti boleh cari calon kawen cepat2 pula kan? Bulat cakap, batch korang, adik kena kawen dulu. Ikut tarikh lahir. Haih.. Tipu je bulat. Padahal dia lahir dulu. Dah 22 dah pun. And and and, Udean lak dah ada calon. Kan udean? Alololo... =P

Haih. I guess I need to stop. There is so much to be said when it comes to fc kmns. Eventhough it's just a small matter.

Till then, toodles~


Betul kan?

Keadaan dah takkan sama dah lepas ni...

Semoga berbahagia.

Look look.


This is my Belle's current background. Someone else's examination schedule actually. Say what you wanna say. I don't bother. Coz I like it. Hahaha.


2 weeks.


Have you ever missed someone soooo badly it makes you cry?

I do. I missed Adik Iwan. It had been 2 weeks already. And I hear nothing from him.

I wanna be selfish. I want him to call and say hi. Where else he is having an exam just a week away. And... *sigh*

I missed him. And the last time he called, I'm not so happy with what he said. But he's a big boy already. A grown up. He should create his own life.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I missed him.

Someone else valed. GO awayyyyyyyy. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now.

See, I can sound very crap. Just because a little boy is being quite, I can be emo all the wayyyyy.

May he can answer the exam questions with flying colours. I really hoped that he can achieve his dreams.

Another Saturday.


It's another Saturday.

For 3 weeks in a row, I felt down. On Saturday. At first, I felt happy in the morning. Especially after watching TMNT for 30 minutes. But not for long, I lost my mood already.

It was suppose that I have something else planned. But somehow, something-I-don't-know-what-turn-up. So, the plan had been cancelled. It's kind of frustrating at first. But somehow, after a nap and also oh-no-I-have-an-assignment-to-submit-and-a-presentation-next-tuesday came in mind. So, I need to get back in track.

And today, I got a wake up call while I'm having my go-away-bad-mood nap. And someone came. Thanks dear friend. At least you brighten up my few hours left for Saturday today. And I get a McD sundae. An an invitation card for another wedding. Hehe.

Setiap yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya. Like today, my plan is cancelled. But ALLAH send me a friend. Happy. =)

ALLAH knows better whats best for us. Kan?'

Dear friend, can you pay me a visit every Saturday. I don't wanna be alone on Saturdays. SOooooo empty and fake inside. I hate that feeling.

Bila enchanted yang dikejar.


It had been a few days since the last day I blogged. Been busy. Perhaps. And kind of not in the mood of blogging. equals to, LAZY.

Last night, my college have a dinner. (college? dinner? The college is alive?) Eventhough I'm not a Degree student anymore but since I paid for the college fees and the dinner fees are included, I insisted to go. Plus, the fees as a Masters student are more expensive. So people, if you are feeling like doing Masters, do make sure you have A LOOOOTTTTTTT of money. RM 10 k will be enough for the fees. Maybe. And from it,you will have some balance money for your food.

Ok. Enough for the fees. Last night, it was boring. Heee. Sorry to say. Yet I had some fun entertaining myself. Luckily 2 of my table mates brought their camera. At least I can entertain myself by capturing pictures. Their pictures. And mine. Teehee. =) Y boring? I and my table mates didn't get the number for lucky draw!!! SOOOOOO NOT FAIR! I wanted to get thoseee presents tooo.

Performance. I don't know what to say about the performances. Because the night is enchanted, there are NO tarian Melayu. But you still have Malays that performs. But not tarian Melayu. Ok I mean, no tarian like asli2. Or those which are related to budaya.

Food. I ate A LOTTTTTT. Ok. picture this. Suppose that there are 10 people at a table. But as I counted ( I know I counted correctly) the total of us is only 6. So, can you people imagine what happened? Because of I-don't want-to-membazir, I ate A LOOTTTTT. Haha. I don't give a damn of what others are saying. But but but, I still manage to save some of the chickens for Mama. Haha.

Ok. As for me, the food is fine. Kind of different menu from last year. But we cannot swallow the cream puffs. It is so cream. The kind of white cream that people use to deco the cakes. Yeah. That one. No. Not the whipped cream. Ok ok. Forget it. I don't know how to describe it. AND, this year... NOOOO ICE-CREAM. huuuu. I waited for the waiter to come and distribute the ice-cream. But... No ice-cream. down. =(

Overall, it's tiring. And I guess I do cuci mata a lot last night. The theme is "The enchanted Night". Sooo, what do you expect? People can change in just one night. Open close open close. PLz close. and close and close. By this part, it's frustrating. urm...

So, that's all. I guess my post is not related much with the title, right? Sowriiiieeeee.... I don't have any other ideas of the title.

Pictures? I don't have it yet. Sorryyyyyyyyy again.

And I know, my Past present future or whatever types of Tense that I learned in school is wayyyyy so terabur. Sorry again.

And and and. Thanks to my room mate for suggesting how I should dress up last night. Better than what I planned at the first place.


Pesan buat anak [part 2]


My friend wrote the second part of it.

I thought that it only have one part.

Here goes...

pesan buat anak 2

dikau sudah menginjak dewasa..
bertatih mengenal ilmu dunia..
mula belajar apa ertinya chenta..
merentas hidup penuh pancaroba..

jangan takut tersalah pilihan..
kerana itu tarbiah dari Tuhan..
membuat kita tabah mengharungi kehidupan..
agar nanti beroleh pedoman..

hidup ini indah..
bersulam dengan tawa dan gundah..
namun begitu hendaklah tabah..
pasti terselit 1001 hidayah..

walau ku diam tanpa pesan..
saat kau rebah dalam pencarian..
hanya doa yang mampu kutitipkan..
agar terus tabah hadapi cabaran..

nasehatku tanda sayang..
agar dikau terus matang..
mengharungi liku yang mendatang..
tetap tenang dalam gelombang..

The 2nd last verse makes me cry.

Masa depan cerah?


Here's what I have in mind right now.

Normally people will say that "may you have a bright future." (That's in English)

If it's in Malay, it will be "Semoga awak mempunyai  masa depan yang cerah."

I doubted it. Y must bright? Can't it be colourful?

May you success with flying colours. Semoga awak berjaya dengan cemerlang.

Flashing back my school days, I remembered this one time.

During my primary school years.

I can't recall in what standard I am.

It's something around standard 4 or 5 or 6.

I guess it's standard 6.

I missed my primary school moments.

It's a memorable one. And two. And three. And and and...

Ok. About that standard thing.

You know, during primary years, the boys are very naughty.

They really liked to 'sakat' the girls.

And I used to be the victim.

Well, I am a girl, right?

 And the chinese boys are also friendly.

Not like when in Form, the boys become soooooo flirty instead.

There's this boy.

I don't remember whom.

I guess it's this boy named Ung.

He made a song for me.

In Malay. I don't wanna translate it coz it might sounded weird.

"Nor Alwani. Warna-warni. Suka makan Ubi Keladi. Masa depan tak cerah. Tapi warna-warni."

Cute right? Hehe.

At first I'm kind of pissed off because they're like teasing my name. 

But that's what my name is. Cahaya Warna-warni. From my beloved daddy.

So, no more pissed off.  But accepting it. At least he made a song for me, right? Don't laugh. haha. =)

I bet Ung forgets this already.

But I hope that song becomes true.

If I cannot have a bright future, I wanna have a colourful future.

I hope. 

I do.

I really really really do. =)

During my primary years, I have 2 songs made for me.

The other one? Erk... Maybe I'll share next time. Maybe. =)


I'm not a good sister.

I missed my sister.

Eversince the SPM result is out, we never talked.

I texted her.

but she never replied.

Even I don’t know how is she doing.

Good or otherwise.

I don’t know.

Kakak mana tak sedih bila adik dia mcm buat bodoh je dgn dia?

Orang cakap, wani tak tanya ibu ke result dia?


I wanna hear from her.

I don’t wanna hear from someone else.

I wanna hear from her.

If u read this, I'm sorry for not being a good sister.

Felt really really really bad after incident at Mid tu.


Pesan buat anak..

I have this one friend that treats me like his daughter. Yelah dah belajar parenting, and apa tah subjek lagi kan... 
He wrote something for me.

pesan buat anak..

duhai anakku..
dengarlah pesanan daku..
sebagai suluh bekal hidupmu..
moga dirimu tenang selalu..

duhai anakku..
saat diriku memarahimu..
bukan tanda aku membencimu..
sekadar ingatan buat dirimu..
lambang kaseh ikhlas dariku..

duhai anakku..
saat dirimu merangkak sepi..
usah disangka kamu seorang diri..
diriku dari jauh memerhati..
membekal doa tulus abadi..

duhai anakku..
telah kunyatakan hidup itu indah..
dengan harapan dirimu takkan goyah..
saat ujian melintang arah..
moga dirimu cekal dan tetap gagah..

duhai anakku..
hanya doa mampu kukirimkan..
sebagai bekalan dan juga sandaran..
agar dirimu tidak lupakan..
pada TUHAN yang telah menciptakan..

duhai anakku..
akan tiba suatu hari..
saat diriku akan pergi..
moga dirimu selalu ingati..
kenangan kita moga abadi..

I cried. Read the 2nd and 3rd verse. =)

May you to happy always. Heart u. Heee.


My wish.


I have wishes.

But currently, I'm really really really looking forward to this.

I wish that one day, soon, I can introduce Sanchez with Encik. And I really hoped that they can be friends. Good one. Because I loved them. A lot. And Sanchez is one of my best friends that knows me by heart. 

And I wish that I can make my promise to visit Sanchez in Malacca. Really do. This semester. But I don't know when. I have assignments due next week. Another weekend is reserved for abg Deris's wedding. And April is like exam month. I don't know. I wish I may I wish I might.





Losing grip.

Losing grip.

Trying hard to hold on.

Is there a happy ending?

I missed you.

The village boy.

The one that becomes so stingy when it comes to spending money.

The one that...

Dream on.

People changes.

I know. 
DIA yang tentukan segalanya.


Saya SANGAT F.R.U.S.T. Tapi siang tadi saya happy.


Hari ini I rasa sangat penat. I ada kelas dari jam 11-1230 je hari ini. Tapi penatnya macam I punya kelas jam 5 petang baru habis. Sebab lepas kelas, I berlari-lari ke lab sebab nak siapkan asignment. Dan lepas tu pergi cari abang-senior-yang-dah-jadi-tutor sebab nak bagi dia berfikir juga. Hehe. I tahu, I rajin. Sebab Lecturer-lecturer I pun rajin. Seorang dah lama bagi asignment. Jumaat depan, 26hb I dan group member I kena present. Lagi satu lecturer bagi asignment semalam, 23hb nanti hantar. Kenapalah 23 hb. Punyalah I tak nak ingat 23 hb ni sebab birthday Bulat ngan Udean tu. Ha. Kan I dah ingat dah. Lagi satu lecturer I bagi I latihan semalam. 22 hb discuss dalam kuliah. Tapi I tetap sayangkan lecturer-lecturer I. Sebab I tahu, mereka bagi I semua kerja ni sebab nak tengok I berjaya. =) 

Lepas dah bagi abang senior tu berfikir, nasib baik dia tak minta upah I pergi bank in kan duit. Tak lama lagi I dapat baju baru LAGI. Tak sabar. Rasa sangat seronok. Syukur Alhamdulillah sebab I diberi wang untuk dibelanjakan. Sebelum tu I Terserempak dengan ada junior I. Perempuan. Dia tegur. "Eh, kak Alwani." Macam biasalah kalau jumpa dia, dia akan tanya I nak pergi mana. I pun gelabah-gelabah jawab nak pergi ATM. I tak tahu kenapa kalau jumpa dia I mesti akan tergagap-gagap. Sebelum berpisah, dia sempat cakap, "Wah akak berfesyen-fesyen" Adeh. Memang time nampak dia I nak buat-buat tak kenal. Sebab rasa segan dengan dressing i hari ini walaupun I rasa cun tapi dah selisih kan. So sangat kejam lah kalau nak buat tak nampak.

Lepas pergi bank in tu I balik bilik. Rasa sangat penat. Time tu terserempak ngan ada junior lain pula. Camnilah life kat U. Hari-hari I jumpa junior je. Kawan-kawan sebaya semua dah berkerjaya. Tinggallah I sorang-sorang. Tapi macam awet muda je kawan ngan orang-orang muda ni. Kami pun jalan-jalan ke kolej. Sampai bilik, I pun golek-golek atas katil sambil YM. Ada junior I yang lain kata dia nak ikut 28 hb nanti. Tapi kena tengok jadual. Harap-harap dia free. Dah lama juga tak jumpa dia. I pun dah mula berangan-angan. Haha, Tiba-tiba room mate I tanya. Adeh. I terlelap rupanya. "Wani nak pesan pape tak? Nak pergi pasar malam." Nafsu makan I tiba-tiba jadi sangat besar. Macam Hot air balloon yang akan ada kat Putrajaya tu. Sebab sebelum tu memang I ada terfikir juga nak makan apa untuk dinner. Lepas tu I pun pesan. "Nak Putu piring, pastu kopok lekor singgit, pastu nak nasi ayam/nasi lemak ayam. Ayam tu nak bahagian dada." Rumet I pun pening. Dia suruh I msg. I pun terus ambil fon dan msg. Punyalah I tak sabar kan...

Lepas tu i tertidur. Jaga-jaga dah dekat-dekat jam 7. Haih. I cepat-cepat bangun. Berlari-lari I keluar bilik. Time tu dah 715 dah. Na O Mei!!! I jerit dalam hati. Tengok-tengok I punya kawan punya kawan-kawan ada depan tv. Berbungkus-bungkus polisterin diorang makan. Kucing pun makan dalam polisterin. Mewah mak kucing tu hari ini. Dapat makan ngan polisterin-polisterin tu sekali. I pun tengok TV. Bila cerita dah habis, azan Maghrib pun berkumandang. Yay. Rumet I dah balik! Bawa makanan. I pun makan lah ala kadar. I makan sekeping putu piring. Rumet I makan separuh. Kesian dia. I bagi dia makan yang dia tekak dia rasa tak sesuai. Lepas tu I solat Maghrib. Lepas solat Maghrib, I makan lagi separuh putu piring. Dan bawa semua makanan pergi depan TV.

I tak berapa gemar makan dalam polisterin ni. So, I transfer nasi ayam tu ke pinggan kaca I. Kalau pecah pinggan tu, nangislah I. Polisterin nasi ayam I letak sebelah I kat atas sofa tu. Dan POlisterin putu piring tu I letak atas meja. Sekali dengan I punya keropok lekor. Dan polisterin kawan I dan kawan-kawan dia yang juga dah jadi kawan-kawan I. Sedang I seronok makan sambil tengok TV sambil tengok mak kucing ngiaw ngiaw panggil anak dia makan, Kawan-kawan I pun datang nak ambil buang polisterin-polisterin mereka. I pun makan je lah. Lepas habis makan, I nak makan I punya putu piring. Cuba U all teka apa jadi. I tengok-tengok I punya putu piring dah tiada!!! Huwaaa... Kawan-kawan I terambil buang lah tu. Sedihnya I rasa... Ada lagi 3 keping tau. Mengidam lagi lah I nampaknya lepas ni. Lepas tu I makanlah keropok lekor dengan sedu sedan sambil tengok mak kucing makan ayam yang I bagi. I tak reti nak makan ayam bagi licin. Sebab tu I request bahagian dada. Bahagian lain cam sangat adventurous kalau nak makan. Tak reti I. So, I bagi je kat kucing.

I ingatkan dengan kehadiran putu piring tu, sedikit sebanyak akan menceriakan hidup I. Rupa-rupanya hujan turun di malam hari. Sekarang, misi I, I tak nak kira banyak-banyak. Nanti I nak turun pergi cari aiskrim. Kalau tak pun, I nak cari air tebu ais. Lantaklah esok pagi batuk ke. I tak nak kira.

Oh. I lupa nak cerita. Siang tadi I happy sebab, dah lama tak chat ngan Aina, Haidar, Fadzli, Dan ngan pakwe Cina. Biar pun sekejap tapi membahagiakan. Lain kali I nak buat status I dah ada anak lah pula. =P

FC KMNS, jom pergi Johol 28 hb nanti!!!


hanya melihat.


Kipas berputar ligat.

Laptop dibiar menyanyi-nyanyi.

Jari pantas menaip-naip.

Baju bertimbun-timbun belum dilipat.

Assignment panjang beratur atas meja.

Hilang punca.





Esok masih ada.



Si kecil pun punya kehidupan.


Sedang enak ku memecahkan kepala memikirkan assignment Investment, si kecil itu telefon. Ku jawab. Katanya, entah mengapa pagi ini, dia hilang semangat untuk belajar. Pelbagai kemungkinan diberikannya. Mungkin.

Yang berputar2 di benakku di saat itu adalah, mungkinkah kau tahu kekusutanku sekarang. Investment oh Investment. Tidak. Dia tidak tahu. Lalu, ku bertindak sebagai seorang kakak. Mendengar. Dan mendengar. Dipintanya agar aku tidak marah. Aku tidak marah. Tapi aku menangis. Walau betapa sayangnya aku pada dirimu, adikku. Aku tidak boleh menghalang kehendakmu. Menghalang kehidupanmu. Kerana kau pun punya kehidupan. Kau juga berhak untuk mengatur langkah2 hidupmu.

Di fikiranku jua, satu hari nanti, aku pasti kau tidak perlukan kakak ini lagi. Kerana kau sudah jumpa kehidupanmu. =)

cash flow.


This week is a I-spend-a-lot-week. My cash flow runs like water. Very fast. And now I lose track of my money.

Sangat senang nak beli macam2. Nafsu makan meluap2. Dengan sebelum tak biasa2 nak beli coffee, dua mlm berturut2 minum neslo. AIS pula tu? I need to get my wires fixed. Ada sesiapa nak betulkan?

Camne lah nak hilang berat dalam 2 weeks ni. Saya mahu nampak kurus masa 28 hb tu. Sebab nanti ada jumpa ramai orang. Haha.

Mlm semalan, burger. See, I'm eating foods yang tak berkhasiat.

Buntu sudah.



I-have-never-spend-my-day-in-room week


It had been a I-have-never-spend-my-day-in-room-in-college week. And today, i only slept in room for the second time in this week.

Pak Ngah is gone. Al Fatihah. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. Amin.

Few years back. Raya.

We went back to Kedah.

Father, Mother, me, are2, Aisyah.

When I reached Pak Ngah's house, I felt empty. Noticing that he's not there anymore. Because of the 2nd time stroke and lungs damage.

And now, Kak Fahriza is staying with her brothers I guess,

We went back on Wednesday. Meaning, I skipped class on Tuesday and Wednesday. =)

On our way back, we fetched Atie at her house in Manjung,

We passed by Manjung, Sitiawan, Teluk Intan. SEMESTI. Now I can imagine how those places are. At least a bit. Hehe.

Yesterday, I went to school to accompany Atie taking her result slip. And searching for some girls. Failed to find them. *Sigh*

Today, sending her to the bus station at Pudu.Her bus is at 5 but it delayed until 6 pm. She had just arrived Manjung at 1++ am. Tiring. I wondered when will I finish my Investment assignment.

At KL Sentral during Maghrib today, I felt different. I felt like having my tears running down my cheeks. But I can't.

Dear friends, (I guess I need to write in Malay)
Halalkan wani nya makan minum eh. Kot2 ada duit yang terlebih ke terkurang ke.
Kalau sampai masa Wani, Wani ada hutang, harap kalian halalkan.
Dan time tu juga, kalau ada hutang kalian ngan Wani, Wani halalkan.
Maaf banyak2. Dan terima kasih sebab being a part of my life.

Mati itu pasti. Hidup itu INSYAALLAH.


thursday. the-result-day.


I'm very tired right now. Yet, I still wanted to write something in here.

I went to school today.

It's the result day. For 2009 SPM candidates.

Nervous though. Have butterflies in the stomach. Flapping. Big ones. =)

I've been there. And now, they finally get through.

Atie dear, whatever your result is, there's always a way to be a successful person. It may seems to be TOUGH. But somehow,  that's how life is. And ALLAH knows more than we do about what we needed rather than what we always wanted. In the cloud there's always a silver lining.

I felt very guilty. I shouldn't act the way I did while I was at the cinema just now. I shouldn't. But the I-want-to-know-how-you're-doing makes me unstoppable.

Little sister, I'm very sorry. I know that you're very dissapointed. And my bad I'm not there for you. Not at home. But whatever that you gets, there's always a way for you to get what you planned for. We'll find the way together. I Want you to know, whatever happens, ILU.


Berpura2 busy. berpura2 berpura2 berpura2.


Saya suka hujung minggu. Nanti boleh berfoya2. Hahaha.

Malam ini, saya ada bbq ngan kanak2 seramai 30 org kot. Entah. Organiser tak confirmkan the exact total. Saya nak sibuk2. Nak pergi awal. Tapi mereka kata, Kak Wani takyahlah datang awal. Datang malam pun takpe. Kak Wani dok kat bilik rehat2, update blog ke. Nanti kalau buat sibuk, leh rapat2 spend time sama2. Nanti kalau kanak2 semua dah grad, mesti dah kurang masa nak spend sama2. And dah tak sama dah suasananya nanti. T_T tak nak pakai topeng boleh tak?

Encik Basri sedang berada di Bangi. Sebab ada tournament. So, dia ajak siapa2 yang mahu teman dia makan untuk makan sama2 dengan dia. Maka, ada saya, Yufi, Saceh, dan Shila. Kami berdiskusi hingga jam 4. Hish. encik Basri memang suka makan lewat. Jam 2++ baru makan tengahari tadi. Then mungkin akan jumpa lagi malam ni. Encik itu macam nak jumpa dan berdiskusi lagi je. Entah. Sebab Kalau saya tidur di event bbq saya malam ini, nampaknya saya tidak dapat join diskusi mereka.

Dan semasa sedang berdiskusi itu, ada insan istimewa call kata dia di The MInes. Main boling. Sampai 930 malam kot. Urm. Nak jumpa. Tapi cam jauh. Dahlah dengan hujan2. Tak berani saya nak g The Mines sorang2. Lagi2 ada bbq malam ini. Mungkin kita akan jumpa lagi di masa akan datang dalam keadaan yang lebih baik.

Dan. Tadi ada orang offer untuk ikut dia balik Johor malam ini. Konon2 nak release tension. Well, hujung minggu lepas saya dah berfoya2 di Johor. Tapi boleh je. Tapi tapi tapi. Nak bertolak jam berapa? Saya ada bbq. =(

Dan patutnya jumpa seseorang untuk bagi benda kat dia. Tapi dia kata tak jadi. Hehe. Nanti kita date masa lain ye Encik Taufiq? =P

Haha. Tiba2 kan sangat banyak agenda nak dibuat malam ini.
Saya mahu buat SEMUA.
Kerat badan jadi empat.
Hai saya satu per empat Cik Cahaya.

Acara akan datang:

10-12 Mac: Jadi penyambut tetamu.
11 Mac: Ambil result SPM. ( nervous tau tak! Sampai tak boleh tidur. Hehe. )
13 Mac : Minggu Siswi Kolej.
14 Mac : Kak Izzati Wed. Nak pergi nak pergi nak pergi. Siapa Fasi yang boleh pergi... =(
20/21 Mac: Jadi tetamu. Kot.
23 Mac: Presentation Investment. (haha. boleh lagi nak jadi tetamu 20/21 Mac tu sedangkan ada presentation)
28 Mac: Abg Deris Wed. MESTI HARUS WAJIB PERGI. Aina kata, ni wajib pergi ni. Fasi, jom jom.

Busy tak busy tak? Haha. Pura2 busy je. Pastu exam bungkus lagi? Dush dush dush. Ok ganti semua event tu dengan pergi library study. Siapa nak jadi date saya? =)

P/S: Kecil hati tak kalau kita call and orang tu reject call kita and hantar msg tanya "nak apa?" tak patut kecil hati kannn? Tapi hati dah jadi kecil pun. Hati, besarlah semula.

P/P/S: Sekarang saya dah rajin sikit. =)


Peringatan buat semua.


Artikel copy paste.

Diriwayatkan oleh Imam Tarmizi, daripada Ali bin Abi Thalib r.a., Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: "Apabila umatku telah membuat lima belas perkara, maka bala pasti akan turun kepada mereka iaitu:

1. Apabila harta negara hanya beredar pada orang-orang tertentu.

2. Apabila amanah dijadikan satu sumber keuntungan.

3. Zakat dijadikan hutang.

4. Suami memperturutkan kehendak isteri.

5. Anak derhaka terhadap ibunya.

6. Sebaliknya dia(anak) berbaik-baik dengan kawan-kawannya.

7. Dia(anak) suka menjauhkan diri daripada ayahnya.

8. Suara sudah ditinggikan di dalam masjid.

9. Yang menjadi ketua satu kaum adalah orang yang terhina di antara mereka.

10. Seseorang dimuliakan kerana ditakuti kejahatannya.

11. Khamar(arak) sudah diminum di merata tempat.

12. Kain sutera banyak dipakai oleh kaum lelaki.

13. Para artis disanjung-sanjung.

14.Muzik banyak dimainkan.

15.Generasi akhir umat ini melaknat(menyalahkan) generasi pertama(sahabat)

it's funny when u reread.


I cannot sleep. I started to have my sleep around 10. I felt like banging my head to the wall right now. Grrr. Somehow. Around 1, I hardly sleep. Once I slept. A minute later, I'm already awake. Then at 3, I decided to wake myself up. And here I am.

My emotion graph is like a sine graph. or a cosine. Duh! I really hoped that it's like an exponential graph.

And I took myself some time to reread my posts before this. It's funny when u reread. I mean like, in past posts, I saw myself trying hard to convince myself with many kinds of words to ensure that i'm being strong. I collapsed. I get up again. And I stumbled. And I get up again. That's what had been happening lately.  Not lately. Eversince. Hehe.

My current mood is: I felt like rereading the novel Warkah Cinta Berbau Syurga.

And somehow I did felt happy. Someone is coming town!!! yehaaa!!! I really hoped that we can meet up. Really really looking forward for it. Really really. =)

I wanna look veru good on that special day. Zits plz go AWAY!!! away you go. Yes, awayyyyy~


Cikguku Mamaku.


Rindu nya zaman sekolah. haha. Tiba2 je kan?

Dulu masa zaman sekolah, Kaunselor kitorang panggil Achiq dan ibu. Pengetua kitorang panggil Umi. So, rasa macam mesra and a one big family. Cam kat matriks lak, ada certain student panggil ada lecturer ni Ayah. Even dah habis sekolah, habis matriks, gelaran tu melekat. Sebab dah rapat kan. And rasa macam a family.

Napa tajuk cikguku mamaku?
Tadi, buka fb. ISH. Asyik2 nak cerita pasal fb. Bosan tol cahaya nih. Lalu ada status senior ni. Kat wall dia. Dia Bual2 ngan ada cikgu sekolah dulu. Dia panggil cikgu tu Mama. Serius manja S.A.N.G.A.T. Padahal, kalau tgk dari luaran mungkin tak expect yg dia manja macam tu. I always rasa senior tu cam garang tp kalau borak taklah grg pun. Tapi, S.A.N.G.A.T. COMEL ok. Seorang student takkan lupa cikgunya. Lagi2 kalau cikgu yang baik macam cikgu tu. Betul. Cikgu tu S.A.N.G.A.T. BAIK. =)

Jadi, berbuat baiklah dengan semua orang. It will be worth it. InsyaALLAH.


Rayau2 sendiri best. =)


Semalam hari yang penat. Dan agak tragis kot. Entah.

Tak puas dengan jalan2 Jumaat + Sabtu nanti akan di up kan cerita, semalam che' keluar lagi. Merayau2. Sorang2. =P

Mula2 ikut plan nak pergi kajang je. Reason? Jimat tambang. Tak jauh. Save masa.

Tapi memikirkan keadaan di Kajang yang penuh dengan foreigner, diskusi dengan cik Yufi, Tambahan pula hari Ahad kan, tukar plan pergi Mid. Itupun boleh lak nak melencong ke The Mall kacau orang date. Muahaha. Lagipun plan nak beli sandal+hadiah. So, Mid cam banyak choice lah kan. Dan lebih banyak mesin ATM. =P Dan boleh jumpa Bulat untuk bagi kad kahwin. Haaa? Kad kahwin? Siapa kahwin? Yang penting bukan che'. Bukan Bulat. So, pergilah Mid sorang2. Hehe. Dah balik semalam realize yang kena beli lagi satu hadiah. Nak bagi hujung minggu ni. Cis cis cis. Kenapalah tak ingat.

Ok. Seronok memang seronok. Serius. Rasa nak buat lagi. Hari Khamis ke. Cuma tak seronok kalau nak makan. Nanti makan sorang2. Eh, tu tujuannya nak jumpa Bulat. Nak suruh dia teman makan. Eh, takdelah. Tak makan kat Mid pun semalam. Ok. Ada makan. Makan Mentos je. =P

Ok. Yang part tapi tu kan. Lain kali. make sure anda ada >2 fon ye kawan2. Sebab takut kalau2 satu fon bateri habis. Satu fon lagi tak boleh on eventhough bateri penuh. Dan public fon yang ada memerlukan anda ada kad IDD TIME baru boleh guna public tu. Dah time getir macam tu mana nak cari kad IDD tuh kan. Hish. ada 2 fon pun tak guna. Dahlah buat Bulat+Yufi risau. Korang risau ke? hehe. *sigh*

Serius. Berapa kali tah guna perkataan serius ni dah. Time kat Mid tu rs sgt stress. Yelah. Dah janji kan. Tapi dah usaha. Last2 Lepas solat asar, beli ole2 sikit, balik. Tim tu cam sgt2 tawakal. Masa tunggu tu komuter, nampak public fon kat seberang!!! Tapi nak pergi seberang, komuter dah nak sampai dah. Lagi 3 minit. Hoho.

Sampai2 terus pergi cari Yufi. Serius. Mula2 tersilap aras. Dan takut juga dia tiada di bilik kan, Tapi sampai juga bilik Yufi. Call Bulat minta ampun semua. Then tunda date. =P

Bila charge fon, haha. Serius banyak sungguh missed call. rasa glamour sekejap. =)

Fon maxis saya tidak dapat digunakan sehingga tarikh yang akan diberitahu kelak. Maka, kalau nak hubungi saya, di no Celcom ya. Harap maaf. Segala kesulitan amat dikesali.

Penat. Tapi puas hati. Plus, sekarang tinggal nak cari seluar je untuk cukupkan collection warna grey.

/   baju kurung
/   jubah
/   tshirt
/   skirt
/   sandal
/   tudung
/   selendang
X seluar

P/S: beringat2 sebelum duit habis. Kalau ada duit, jangan act cam banyak sangat duit. Sampai belanja suka hati je. Ish. Susah sangat nak controk duit lately. Camne nih...?

You know what’s beautiful?

Your eyes blinking, your pupils dilating when you’re euphoric, the curve of your smile, the shade of your teeth, the arch of your back, the fingers typing, the breathing thing you do, the thoughts. Your thoughts. How you think is beautiful; how a thought comes to mind is…a miracle, how you operate, how you are; just you. In every sense of the word; all your blood cells, neurons, organs, your limbs, your soul. You are breathtaking, mashaa’Allaah.


You can’t control the things that happen to you but you can control the way you react to them. It’s all perception.
You Again (Movie)