One fine day last week, I get a phone call. Believe it or not. The words did came out. On that one fine day. And me? *speechless*
SUddenly I'm lost between forcing and appealing. No no. Appealing is not the right word. Coaxing. Better. How to differ these two actions? And of course I'm not doing any coaxing because for me it seems like forcing. But actually it's not.
And yesterday, acting out like nothing happened, it hurts. And sooo awkward. Chances are there. But I ran away. I'm not that strong. Not yet. Escaping is what I choose. At least for yesterday.
And today, while my Zohor prayers, it rained tough. Finally. And, without any thoughts, this time defying my principal, I ran to Mummy crying in her arms. Just some, cries. And not a word of why. Haha. *suddenly felt stu*** thinking about it*
Sometimes, it's so tired to act out strong. "Anak sulung kena kuat." "Awak kan kakak. Kena bagi semangat kat adik adik" Well, I'm a human. Hoping that there's someone saying, Alwani everything is going to be fine. But I guess, it's not the end of anything. Because, Everything is going to be okay in the end. At least that's what I believed in.
People let things go. But ALLAH always keeps EVERYTHING in His sight. EVERYTHING. It's not the feeling of being left for that hurts. It hurts more when people lose faith in you. Cause that's what holds me all this while. At least. And now, I lose it. Starting all over again is another chance. But when you doesn't have heart or at least you felt half hearted, you would doubt yourself. Can I do this again, In a better way? I'm afraid I won't. And it hurts people more. Than ever. *sigh*
Being quiet doesn't means that I neglected/forgotten you. It's just that I'm 100% sure that you'll be safe in HIS hands. ALLAH Ar-RAHMAN Ar-RAHIM.
Dream BIG. Even if you're just that small. Cause nothing is wrong with that. =P
Life's getting tougher. =)