Aydan's milk journey

Assalamualaikum :)

I'm not sure if there's such term. I'm not sure if there's other way to describe somehow. 

I only able to fully bfeed Aydan until he was 15 months. Due to my 2nd pregnancy. I don't want to harm the baby so tried to wean off Aydan. It was... A struggle. We don't know which powdered milk to start with. So I requested for so much samples. Different brands. Somehow Aydan refused. When he was admitted in the hospital due to Bronchilitis few days after Aidilfitri, abam bought Karihome. Abah(FIL) and kaklong was suggesting to buy him goat's milk as less rich and might help especially when Aydan easily gets phlegm. Somehow Aydan refused to drink that at home. At school, he's drinking but bila balik rumah, dia taknak. I tried changing his milk bottle, and teats. Strange thing is dia minum at school so sebenarnya dia just taknak je. Bukan problem dengan bottle or teats pun. Somehow we manage to figure out that he likes the dutch lady choc milk yang kotak tu. So at home memang minum yang tu. Stock up lah sehari minum like 3 kotak KID tu, one week like 24 kotak? Pricewise, still OK. Sebab if one month about RM100. Until one night, Aydan become cranky I don't know why. Lucky abam was around, he asked, if OK untuk buat susu Karihome for Aydan? I told him, trylah. So abam brought Aydan together with him to the kitchen and engaged Aydan to assist making his own milk. Tolong goncang. And somehow, he drank it! Allah makbulkan jugak doa kakla. Untuk lembutkan hati Aydan minum susu Karihome. 

Aydan is turning 30 months next month. And last time masa Aydan 2 years pun Paeds dah cakap suruh try bagi susu lembu. Bukan susu kambing tak elok, elok, but susu lembu have more kalori. Now kita nak bagi Aydannya weight naik banyak sikit. And the doc takde suggest mana mana brand. Dia cakap, mana mana brand pun OK. Sebab dia boleh makan yogurt, susu yakult bagai so looks like takde allergies. At least the doc's explanation are reasonable. Takdelah macam orang lain yang asyik bising nape tak bagi susu lembu but not telling why kena bagi susu lembu. My first target was nak bagi Aydan start minum powdered cow's milk masa dia 3 tahun. Tapi, masa tu taste buds dia lagi hebat kan. So I intended for dia bulan September nanti. But alang alang susu Karihome dia dah nak habis, and we were on leave for few days, I bought another milk to test. Alang alang, and lagi senang nak monitor. 

Pergi Manjaku. Stock susu Karihome always ada. Nak read through the ingredients for other milk brands. Oh my. Sangat banyak pilihan. And, sangat banyak size. Perasa. Vanilla. Asli. Madu. Coklat. My first target was Pediasure since Wafiy minum yang tu. Let say Aydan taknak, I can bagi Wafiy. But the box is so big. Takde size kecik. And pricewise, the bug box is 100+. If nak ask for samples, nak tunggu hantar lagi. And normally they just give like 2 sachet je. Tak cukup if nak test for a week kan. So fikir kan kawan opis dah downgrade susu anak dia dua kali. Dari S26 PE gold to I don't remember. And dari I don't remember to Anmum Essential. Dia rajin buat research so my conclusion is, most probably Anmum ni OK. Read through the ingredients cakap takde gula tambahan. Tak jumpa glucose. Tak jumpa sucrose. Tak jumpa lactose. Tak jumpa maltodextrin. Yang bunyi macam sugar tak jumpa. 1.2 kg for about RM66. Karihome was 900 g for RM112+. Bismillahitawakkaltualallah. I took Anmum for Aydan's age. 

Balik tu try, campur susu kambing+lembu. Aydan minum. The next one, Anmum sahaja. Pun Aydan minum. I tried bancuh for myself to taste too. Not bad. Takde rasa typical rasa susu kanak2. These few days Aydan's poo poo looks normal. I hope this milk serasi dengan Aydan and I don't have to crack my head fikir nak beli susu apa pula lepas ni. Bukan sebab berkira duit dengan anak. Oklah. Lega sebab it's much cheaper. And lagi penting is this is ikhtiar nak naikkan berat badan Aydan. These few days pun at home,  Aydan macam lagi nak makan nasi. So I really hope this change is good for Aydan. I really do. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Noruaruwani

Many times.

Many times, I get super upset with unkept promises. Many times, I gave another chance, telling myself that mana tau, kali ini dia akan tunaikan. I'm at the state of giving up on this r/ship. This statement will kill me. I know. But I cannot lie anymore. The spark isn't there anymore. The only thing that keeps me holding on is Aydan. Because the happiness in his eyes. At least, someone else is happy from my actions. At least.

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Teringin.

There is this few things yang kakla sangat sangat teringin. 

1. Iphone 7 128gb Rosegold. Sebab ofis uses IOS for pushmail. Android tak boleh. Hoping that dengan medium ni I can perform better. Boleh reply email on the go. Follow up incoming shipments. Takyah bukak lappy at home. Sebab anak dah dua kan. But risiko, I7 ni lagi fragile. Xperia z1 compact that I'm using ni jatuh banyak kali still ok. 

2. Beli yang bonet letak atas Myvi tu. I don't think buying a new Sedan will help me. Sebab nanti ada lagi loan baru bulan2. Lagipun only need bigger space bila travel je. Kalau setakat hari2, sekarang only me, Aysar and Aydan je. Ala klu sedan pun, letak dua car seat, takle org naik jugak. Sekarang target nak settlekan hutang credit card and rumah je. 

3. Habiskan Masters. Misi 2021. Masa tu Aysar dah 3 tahun. Nak sambung Masters lagi. And nak siapkan. Maybe PJJ. And xsure if Still nak buat Maths or not. See if ada Masters course yang beneficial utk kerja sekarang. Most probably statistics? Sebab need to learn forecast stuffs. Idk yet. InsyaAllah.

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Why?

If tak nak bawak Aydan go see Doc sebab jatuh tangga, why bother nak text msg pasal ubat and makan Aydan?

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Aydan jatuh tangga

Assalamualaikum 

At first abam was downstairs with him. Bagi makan. I'm still unsure if Aydan ada makan ke tak. Lama jugak. I'm upstairs dengan Aysar. Aysar tidur so I was looking for materials nak siapkan hw Aydan. 

Then like heard abg marah marah Aydan. "Awak tu demam..." He came upstairs tinggal Aydan nangis nangis jalan naik tangga. He came to me, ajak turun. So as I was following him. Kain batik terburai so berhenti kejap betulkan. Tak sempat nak stop him from walking down the stairs. So he did. He tripped his legs. It was so fast. Tak sempat nak catch kena kepala dulu ke roll dulu. I thinj he rolled first. And then kepala kena parquet tangga. Cepat cepat turun hug him. Check him. He cried. Tapi lepas tu dia macam OK ajak turun jugak pergi fridge. Nak amek Calciyum. I checked his legs and arms. Asking him sakit mana mana tak. Dia tak respond so mkst probably OK. Sebab if sakit normally he will tell. So pergi fridge amek Calciyum. He eats while walking, ajak dia naik atas. Naik together. I go picked Aysar yang tengah nangis dalam bilik. Abg tengah siap. And was telling he's going to Semenyih. Abg was insisting to bring us go Semenyih cause alasan nobody ada. I answered yang Semenyih pun bukan ada orang and he's not going to be around. Pergi jog la.  Ibu came late thinking he's around this morning. Asked him takyah bawak Aydan gi check ke sebab Aydan jatuh tangga. And banyak steps pulak tu. Like 4 5 steps. He said takyah. And I ajak Aydan makan depan TV. Sebab keeps tumpah. Abg salam Aydan and went out. Aydan tak habis his Calciyum and pushed it to me. He puts his head on the pillow and slept. That was when I become worried. And called ibu. Kitorang bawak Aydan g klinik. Doc says he looks OK. Monitor for 24 hrs. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran/

School.

Untuk Aysar, I found a bs. Ralat sebenarnya takde bajet untuk hantar Aysar kat tempat sama macam Aydan. Sebab I see banyak sangat advantage. Macam bila tengok teacher pengemas, OCD, in positive way, Aydan pun terikut. Aydan jadi jenis yang proper. Pandai main sendiri. Berani nak bagitau apa dia nak. Tak plan nak withdrawAydan from school and hantar BS sebab Aydan dah school kan. Nanti hantar BS kesian pulak dia bosan ke apa. Lagipun member dah ada kawan2 kan. 

Taktau nak expect apa nanti. 

But Target tahun ni rating bagus lagi supaya gaji naik. Thn lps company doing well pun naik 4% je. Kemut betul. 

Next year nak cari tempat yang ada school jugak untuk adik. Xtau la taska/tadika Semenyih ada option apa kan. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

2nd child.

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah I safely delivered our 2nd child on 6/Apr. This is one date that used to be so important one while ago. Things changed, and no reason to be remembered then. But now, I have a child with this date as birthday so, oh well, kena ingat juga. 

We tried to have a normal delivery. But Allah plans better. I had 2nd EMLSCS due to same reason FD. Maybe, stress during labour is just not for me. It's quite frustrating you know. Sebab belajar AMANI masa time Aydan, but in the sense of application, I failed. Twice failure. And it was a traumatic experience. Though post operation,  I feeled much better than the first time, but overall,  I barely want to talk about the experience. The first one, I hardly can move on the first day, badan angin je. my Urine bag was only taken off like 12 hrs after? But 2nd one, I can move(slowly I mean) in 6 hrs, Urine bag was off in 6 hrs. 

Ok. Baby. It's a boy. My rules was if a boy, biarlah Muhammad A. If a girl, Nur/Nor F. A bit of combination of both parents. Sebab nak dapat anak pun bukan senang kan. EMLSCS pulak tu. 😅 Different from Aydan, I conceived adik accidentally/unexpectedly. Macam Aydan, kita hoping/trying to conceive. So nama adik have to mean something like rezeki/anugerah/hadiah dan memenuhi syarat Muhammad A. We found one tapi the word is not in Arabic. So masa day 10, tengah q kat KK untuk follow up adik's jaundice(which now Alhamdulillah dah tiada), I browsed through website nama nama anak lelaki(again) for the tak tau la berapa kali. And found Aysar. Tanya Kak Ngah. Kak Ngah cakap ada banyak maksud but kita ambil yang baik baik which is kaya/mudah. Kak Maz(kakak opis kesayangan) cakap "InsyaAllah kaya akhlak dan harta, mudah di bawa bicara..ameen". Kaya sebab rezeki yang Allah s.w.t bagi without kami sangka. Ya Allah, murahkanlah rezeki kami. Tu termasuk dalam doa lepas solat hari hari so Alhamdulillah Allah s.w.t. dah makbulkan. Mudah, sebab yelah, unexpected conceive kan. So tanya Abam. And he agreed. 

I know. Still envy dengan those kenalan/friends/ipar duai yang dapat bersalin normal. So banyak kali try pujuk hati. Hadiah dari Allah. Hadiah dari Allah. Yang penting anak sihat. Yang penting anak sihat. Tipulah kalau cakap camni je dah boleh lupa. A friend of mine dah pregnant anak no 4 dah. Boy.boy.girl.no 4 tak tahu boy ke girl ke. Dia tak expose lagi. Made me feel sangat loser amongst ipar duai sebab semua boleh normal tau. Let me heal myself. All these feelings need time.

Aiman made a joke. He said. Aiman tahu anak kakla yang lepas ni nama apa. "Ayman". Macam tak boleh je nak letak nama Ayman. Sebab bapa saudara yang rapat kan. Nanti confuse. Just hope, if ada rezeki nak pregnant lagi 3 years, ada rezeki girl pula. Yet somehow, IDK if I can forget the traumatic experience. Nak demand klu next bersalin nak bersalin Andorra or Annur, macam 8k, banyak benda boleh buat duit tu. Simpan lah diit sikit2 dari sekarang. 

Semoga, dengan rezeki anak, murah rezeki kami sekeluarga. My hope is high on my career. Nanti balik kerja tinggal lagi 6 months. Bulan 10 boss dah start evaluate. So hopefully performance bagus, dapat rating at least 3 lagi and gaji naik lagi. If dapat naik grade lagi bagus. Yeah. My hopes are high. Since takde plan nak pindah tempat kerja kan. And, ada wawasan 2020. Maybe 2021. We'll see. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Dunia dah terbalik

Assalamualaikum 

Sekarang dunia dah semacam terbalik

The husband complaint, merajuk bila si isteri xde duit nak bayar susu anak. Where else husband's obligation bayar nafkah, makan minum anak anak dan isteri. Take for granted all this while wife yang bayar most of the things, susu anak, diapers anak sendiri, guna duit sendiri.  

Or when anak dah kahwin, but bapak still nak hulur duit or tanya anak ada duit tak bila mintak anak belikan something. Tebal muka nak cakap takde duit. Though it's the last rm50, and next week baru dapat gaji, I'll always try to say 'ada'. But gaji is like next week baru masuk. So jenuhla ngorek tabung lepas tu kan...

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Hate

Hates it when people makes promises and breaks it at the end of the day. Many times. And when I no longer trust, he complaint, why can't I trust him? Kalau dah 100 janji, 5 je boleh pakai, can I trust again?

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Kelab ke alumni?

Dah macam kelab yang penasihatnya kaunselor. So much of professionals lah kan masing masing bila sikit sikit nak tanya cikgu. Baik xyah ada pres. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Pyjama Drama.

Assalamualaikum 

Walaupun tempat hantar Aydan ni is full day programme and have activity macam macam, the school still ada extra curricular activity (ECA) after preschool hours. Maybe actually intended for bigger kids tapi still cater for younger kids, as young as 2 y/o. Cuma they break ikut age group. So one of the ECA is Pyjama Drama. It's not new in Malaysia. Dah few years back. Tapi baru start dengan school Aydan. And I'm quite interested with it untuk enroll Aydan sebab nampak Aydan minat playrole, imagine. So masa 24 Feb hari tu ada trial class. But mixed dgn budak besar. Aydan shows how uncomfortable he is. But towards dah nak habis class tu, dia baru nak warm up. Especially bila part nak kena clean up balik the instruments. Kalau Aydan join, dia akan masuk kelas 2-3 y/o. Cumanya. Budak 2 y/o yang datang, is only him. 3 y/o ada la a few and ada yang sama class dengan Aydan masa he was in infant care dulu (3 -18months). So thing is, last nak register is tomorrow. Next week ada lagi satu trial class but by age group. And if jadi nak join, this month bayar half fee je. Abang tak bagi join. Macam cakap nanti dia besar sikit. But I can believe takkan ada pun. Lagipun tahun depan most probably tak sekolah sini dah. Bukan sebab fees. Tapi sebab akan pindah rumah. InsyaAllah. And yes, I'm degil. Tak taulah. Macam when it comes to Aydan, I don't mind to spend. And sebab grow up, ada 3 benda yang bapak tak berkira. Education, health, food. But bila kira nak bayar hutang semua, tak cukup nak bayar extra untuk enroll kelas pun. So rasa sangat ralat. Cause I don't know bila nak ada opportunity ni. But boleh je nak work harder kan. Cuma, perlu tak? Intention nak hantar drama class ni bukan untuk dia jadi pelakon ke apa. But nak boost dianya self esteem. And bagi dia berani cakap kat depan. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

A day in a glance.

Assalamualaikum 

Life is hectic, stressful and messy nowadays.

Always rushing. 

I hardly wake up early now. Kadnag bila terjaga at 2, susah nak tidur balik. End up about 7 baru bangun. Pumpampumpam, 8+ keluar rumah, send Aydan. Sampai office 9+. Bila sampai office, emotions dah x ok. Sebab dah stress drive nak sampai cepat.  The adrenaline rush is no fun. Orang lain sampai office before 8. As per agreed dengan boss, dia kata my clocking is 830-530. Tapi now, asyik sampai lambat. Work efficiency is affected. Email tak habis baca. Report tak siap elok. PO tak habis issued. Then by 520 dah kena log off supaya by 530 dah kat dpn lif or dlm kereta. Sampai at Aydan about 615. Another rush. Kadang kesian dia tunggu lama. Kalau hujan lagi teruk. Traffic is even worse. Bila ada adik, IDK how to manage, what to expect. Macamni pun dah rasa penat. Ibu was like, kakla layan jela Aydan. Masa nak dapat iyah pun kakla super clingy. So dah jadi macam what comes around comea around la kan. I tried to stay calm, layan dia nak apa... But until one time, I'm very exhausted and snapped. Take 5. I will leave him for a while, then datang balik. Sebab taknak my words make him sad. But sangat sangat psycho bila kejap you like a breathing dragon then one while jadi setenang air di tasik. Aiman jadi saksi all. Sometimes,  kalau Aiman is in a good mood, dia akan tolong entertain Aydan. Bawak Aydan bukak kasut, naik atas. 

House is in a mess now, sebab tengah treatment anai2 so banyak tempat Aydan takle gi kat bawah tu. Just main kat atas je. And now tengah takde air. I'm trying hard nak clear laundry. Baju baju dah packing dah. But mentally I'm not ready yet. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Crap

Can't tell how crushed my heart is. Bila you did everything yourself for the sake taknak kena maki tak nak kena marah taknak nyusahkan WALAUPUN it's their obligation and people said, you don't love them. 

I stopped sharing my stories. Sebab people was busy and just want to sleep kan. Sleep is more important than anything else. So I told my stories to Aydan. Then, sibuk pulak nak ambil tahu. No use bercerita pada yang tak sudi. 

Last few days gigih pergi sana sini sorang sorang. I can't tell how painful my tummy is. Tak taulah it's tummy ke, uterus ke. But it's painful. Tak tau pun nak describe what it is. 

Everything kena buat sendiri kan. Angkat berat2 semua sendiri. Baju for laundry dari tingkat atas turun bawah. Dari bawah naik atas balik. Then bawak turun buang sampah kat luar bawah. Or dari dapur bawak luar. Or angkat Aydan turun with bags. Or bawak Aydan naik with bags. Or Aydan with raga baju. The tempat jahit dulu rasa makin sakit now. And I'm really worried tak dapat nak deliber normal this time. Bukan salah kakla I got pregnant. I blamed husband. I told him many many times taknak pregnant until Aydan is 2. And now, semua benda nak lepas tangan. Bila minta buang sampah bagi alasan, Aiman x buang langsung ke? Then said he won't throw. Dah kalau kau tak buang, aiman tak buang, sape nak buang? Aydan? Then you said, sayang bini. Bullshit! 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Aydan at 22 months now.

Salam.

Aydan is reaching 22 months soon. I'm planning to celebrate his birthday at school in March nanti. Since last year just bawak kek je. And Aydan dah mula faham 'happy birthday' so I think it's worth. Lagipun nak meraikan dia dah besar, and soon to be abang. So that dia still rasa disayangi. I know I sometimes scold him. Tried hard to educate him wisely, dalam keadaan tenang. but there are times I do snapped. Macam this morning. *sigh*.

Ok, he's showing his interest, his attitude semua now. Ibu cakap, he really resembles me during my early years. So sometimes, I just laughed, and dengan tenang layan dia cause, I know that is from me. The OCD thing. Like bila dia minum air and tumpah kena baju, definitely he will be really restless and tarik2 baju nak suruh tukar. *laughs* Vocabs. His vocabs pun makin banyak, he will start to repeat our words, so bila cakap depan dia pun kena sopan2 dan beretika. Semalam teacher dia puji, Aydan ni rajin clean up. The teacher masa dia infant class was there and senyum. Aydan, cara dia main is different. Jenis suka kemas, susun. But... IDK why, kalau kat rumah tu habis main, belum lekat lagi attitude kemas mainan sebelum tidur or anything. I should always remind him kan.

Sampaikan, sebab everytime kalau balik rumah nenek(abam's), Aydan akan suka masuk kitchen, pergi kat rak and ambil jag plastik clear tu buat main. Masa awal awal nenek akan bebel marah. After a while, sebab Aydan selalu buat macam tu, Nenek just cakap,"kemaslah, mainlah" hehe. See how consistent he is at times? hahaaa

And yeah, I'm just wishing Aydan berselera makan nasi, sayur, ayam, telur, proteins, supaya dia cepat besar dan tinggi and senang dia nak do things.

 Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal. “The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” :D

Being a mother vs employee.

Salam.

This weekend akan ada company event. Sales Convention. It's a 2 days 1 night program in PD. Of courselah nak pergi. Since bukan selalu company buat like this. Or I can rephrase that. Since kerja sini, this is the first time.

Cuma... I have many thoughts. Will Aydan be OK without me sleeping with him that night? Can abam handle him? I know Aydan did behave well when I'm not around. Only becomes clingy with me.  Then, I'm in my 3rd trim already. Will I be OK? And... You know. It's an expensive hotel. Everytime... I would make myself share with Aydan or with Abam. but this time, macam berhappy2 seorang seorang, makes me feel bad. Ibu thought us dari kecil macam share. If keluar somewhere, and ada yang tak ikut, bawak balik something nak share kat rumah, I will always try to do that. Walaupun sekadar bawak balik RotiBoy. *sigh* RotiBoy dah mahal now. BUt will always try. So when it comes like this, I do feel bad. And you know, my roomie is not going to sleep there. Will it be bad if I import abam and Aydan senyap2? It's company event. But I don't want to sleep alone though. yet sometimes being alone is good kan. Ada me time. Thinking to leave the dinner early too. at 10 PM ke. Ibu mengandung tak baik tidur lewat. Yeah, I think nak import abam and Aydan senyap2. ada pool but tak dapat bawak Aydan mandi macam... sayangnya. and nak simpan duit lebih sikit la, nanti year end nak ajak siblings and ibu and bapak we go sleep at that hotel for one night, mandi pool dalam bilik sampai lebam.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal. “The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” :D