23 years old.

Salam.

It's the 31st of Dec 2010. Thus it means that I'm 23 already. But I dunno if I acted like one. hehe.

Thank you 

Thank you

Thank you 

For all the wishes.

May ALLAH bless us. ALways.

=)

At this kind of age, I don't expect any presents. Expecting the least. Prayers are already enough. But if dapat presents, Alhamdulillah. =) Dapat hadiah free call dari maxis and celcom pun macam. Uish. Tak tahu nak call siapa. Serius. Nak my free call tak? Okay. Ada lah juga list. Tapi samaada nak call atau tak kan. And tengok whether the coast is clear ke tak. hehe. Naughty me.

Yesterday is atul's birthday. Elder sister by one day. She's one of my besties masa matriks dulu. And a very tough girl.

And today juga, is Redzwan's and Aisyah's and Liza's brother's birthday. Redzwan is my groupmate masa sama sama buat assignment Insurans time degree dulu. He's the eldest dalam group and suruh we people call him Abg Iwan. Tapi we stick to calling him Red because he likes to wear red. Tapi itu masa First year dulu. Sekarang dia dah pakai macam macam colour. Aisyah is Ainto's room mate masa degree. Ainto ni pula my room mate masa matriks. Ainto memang suka room mate dengan 31st Dec punya orang kot. Hehe. While Liza is my room mate masa matriks. I went to her house masa matriks dulu. And kind of baik juga dengan little brother of hers. I had my first experience riding a motorbike there. Dahlah first time, pakai baju kurung pula tu. Liza yang bonceng motorbike lain sangat kerisauan. hehe. Memorable. 

And tomorrow, Fadzli pula. Fadzli is my junior. Known him sebab sama sama jadi FC KMNS. Masa di UKM dulu ada lah juga hang out dengan dia. 

And 2nd Jan pula, Acu's birthday. Aunty paling bongsu belah daddy.

May mereka mereka happy always. 

Panjang umur. 

Murah rezeki. 

Sihat selalu. 

Success sokmo. 

Bahagia dunia akhirat. 

Amin amin amin.

Bila sampai 31st Dec ini kan, I still teringat what happened on this same date last year. And semoga tak happen again. Rohani, awak kena sangat sangat kuat okay.! =)

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Happy happy bithday.

Salam.

I know in the back of my mind that life would be so much easier if i never talked to you again. if i shut you out of my life and moved on- i could finally get over you. but you're one of the only things that makes me happy, and whether it's right or wrong, i just don't have the strength to give up on that. -quoted.

Okay. nak wish nak wish.


Whahhh. Earlier 2 days je from me.

 nicenya cake ini. 

Zana, Kimi.

Happy birthday. 

Moga panjang umur. 

murah rezeki. 

sihat selalu. 

happy always. 

sucess sokmo. 

bahagia dunia akhirat. 

And sentiasa sebagai wanita/lelaki yang solehah/soleh. 

Amin amin amin.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

semakin dekat dengan 31st dec.

Salam. today is 28th dec. happy birthday atie syg.?! love you. may you happy always. success selalu. sihat sokmo. bahagia dunia akhirat. zk is asking for plans to go to. i dunno. no idea. =( 31st dec is getting nearer. it's mean getting 23 already. it means also that i must prepare my summary of 2010. i dont think there's any special plans this year. cause im no longer special. adn im tired of making plans.  takpe. dah celeb birthday dgn students dah. =) OKAY. GOODNIGHT...?!?! LOVE YOU.?!?

Haniel Long.

Salam.

A quote from Criminal Minds. Today punya sangat sedih. But Reaper is dead. Finally!

So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family, that it remains it measures our senses of loyalty. All other pacts of love and fear derive from it and are modeled upon it.-Haniel Long

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Kenapa ya...?

I dunno why I'm still holding on to this friendship. Kenapa ya, bila kita dah tahu sesuatu tu tak elok/tak baik untuk kita, yet still nak work for it? Sebab dah terlalu sayang? Macamana pula dengan heart damage yang already happen? Yang tak boleh nak mend itu? Tell me that you have an answer.

 

Is this a butter fruit cake?

Salam.

Let me start the post with the picture of this cake. hehe.

Belle is sick. So i'm blogging halfway using other methods besides belle. and of course, there will be a lot of errors with the notations, the capitalized words especially. please neglect these. and of course, no paragraphs. YESTERDAY, me and sisters followed mummy to go buy the groceries. so we bought ingredients for the cake. it's smaller brother's birthday yesterday. so it's suppose to be kind of special to bake a cake specially for him. however, i'm not sure if he did taste the cake after all. don't ask me why. it's suppose to be some kind of fruit cake. but somehow, the fruits sank to the bottom. again. just like the choc chip cake last time. and... the flame is not controlled well so we have the bottom part of the cake overcooked. Apparently, I know how to count and it seems that daddy ate like 4 slices of it. hehe.

I took the recipe from internet. 

And adjusted the ingredients mengikut matlamat dan objektif. hehe.

Recipe.

250g butter

210g gula halus/gula kastar

5 telur

50 ml susu segar

240g tepung superfine multi purpose

1 sudu teh baking powder

1.5 sudu teh esen vanila

raisin(golden+sultanas) + kulit limau yang dah diproses tu + choc chips(kalau nak tambah something else terpulang)

1. beat the sugar+butter sampai kembang.

2. masukkan telur satu demi satu. and then masukkan esen vanilla juga. I put 1.5 sebab the last time masukkan 1 hanyir telur still ada. 

3. then masukkan susu.

4. masukkan tepung.

5. masukkan dalam acuan and bake...!!!

i'm using dapur instead of kitchen so tak tahu temperature berapa. but lebih kurang 45-50 minutes. hehe.

because i don't know the temperature, so bahagian bawah hangit. haha.!

kena save duit lebih lebih beli oven baru ni. takpun kena masak kek lagi banyak kali baru tahu control the flame. 

I put the fruits+choc chip tu before masuk acuan. So, the fruits and the choc chip tu sank. Next time nak try masak halfway and masukkan those ingredients tengok apa jadi. 

Suddenly macam seronok experimenting cakes ni. 

tepi tepi nampak hangit sikit. =(

after dah make up the cake. hehe. 

p/s : ada orang suruh buat choc cake letak cherry+strawberry on top. dan ada orang lain suruh buat red velvet? 

Saving up.

Salam.

Tumpang guna smaller sister's lappy. Hehe. *Dunno what's the name of her lappy ni.*

Belle is sick. So nak blogging, nak IM, nak fb-ing semua pun MALAS. Maybe Belle merajuk sebab on dia just to play games je kot. Nothing much to do at home kan.

Sekarang I'm looking forward to get a job. Ramai orang dah buat wishlist that consumes some amount of money. Zahira is coming back at March/April. So kena prepare buy flowers for her convocation. Because I promised her already. Plus, she told me that she's going to go work somewhere in Shah Alam. Wooopi! Tapi lambat lagi tu. Like 4 months lagi kot. Oh, and her presents yang berapa tahun tertunggak tah. Need to start counting. Maybe 4 because she's in Japan for 4 years already.

And, I'm so not good in buying technology stuffs. Doing my best though.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

hujan pagi pagi.

currently, i'm in kroh. balik kampung. visiting granny. kroh ni tempat tanah tinggi. so, malam malam for sure akan sejuk. then kena pakai stokin kalau tak tahan sangat. tapi orang kampung maybe dah biasa. so tak perlulah sampai pakai stokin 4 5 lapis bagai. pagi tadi hujan. so melambatkan proses bangun tidur. dan juga menambahkan tempoh berhibernasi. kejap kejap online. then hibernate balik. dengar lagu. then hibernate. makan then hibernate. hari hari macam ini, memang habis berat taknak turun.  thought nak visit people. STARTING THIS YEAR, selalu kalau balik perak akan visit. tapi, maybe dah tak. idk. last friday, a friend says, "wani tak boleh lari dari masalah wani. wani kena face it" tapi kali ini, when i want to face it, masalah itu pula lari. so, what else can i do? i tak suka paksa PAKSA.

dear diary.

dear BLOG. i missed talking to people. rindu nak bual bual dengan orang lain tanya updates semua dengan senang hati. rindu nak dengar orang bercerita dan bukannya dapat jawapan 'TANYA MENGALAHKAN polis bukit aman' atau 'ntah' atau tiada respon langsung atau jawapannya yang saya dah memang tahu. kalau macam itu, saya tak perlu nak tanya dah. blog, saya sedih. saya sayangkan mereka. saya nak tahu cerita mereka. saya tak kisah pun kalau mereka langsung tak kisah saya hidup ke dah tiada ke, tapi saya rindu nak dengar kisah mereka. saya tahu. saya jahat. kadang kadang orang text, saya tak reply. kadang kadang saya tak tahu nak kata apa. nak jawab apa. jadi saya diamkan diri. sebab taknak apa yang saya kata sakitkan hati orang lain. blog, saya sedih. saya tak suka bagitau awak saya sedih. tapi, saya sedih. SAyA benci sangat bila airmata kuar. BENCI.

it's the same.

the girl who laugh and smile and makes jokes to cheer other people in the day is the same girl who cries in her sleep at night.  

Dates.

Salam.

Dates. It's not about dates, kurma. But it's about tarikh.

I've finished my 3 weeks job. So, another job is waiting. To make SELERO! a success. This is the second time SELERO! which is being organized by SESERI's ALUMNI going to be held in SESERI. The plan is to make it happen by January. Where the Form 4 students does not register yet. So here goes. Today, at 11 am, there's a meeting for it. However, I don't know whether I can make it or not. Because, there's this little brother's school event. We've paid for it. I thought that it's during the night. However, it's in the morning. Dilemma. Because this is the first time meeting. I wanna be there. Aiyooo.

I'm planning to meet up another friend on 19th Dec. Which is on Sunday. However, last night daddy asked whether I;m done with the 3 weeks programme. Okay. I'm done. So he's asking to accompany him oing back visit granny. Another dilemma. Because I couldn't reach that friend of mine.

Last night. Had a chat with my chinese boyfriend. He's Chinese. And a guy/boy. And a friend. So it makes him my chinese boyfriend. Make sense? Okay. Here goes. He's asking whether I have plans for Christmas or 31 dec or New Year. We'd been planning to gather up since... I don't remember when. But I prefer to gather up either on 31st dec or New Year. If on 31st Dec, he's available, preferable that day. Reason? hehe. =)

Whatever happens, next Friday = Narnia! hehe

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Haish.

It crashes again. And again. And again.

 

explode.

salam. it would be rude if i didn't greet. i know, i don't talk much. people will think i'm those kind of people who is shy, quiet as the first impression. idgad. what matters to me is that, when i say something, i'll stick to it no matter what. i have my stands. i don't like to complaint. because i will look like i'm not thankful with what i have. so i don't. i smile. and life goes on. it's just that today, i'm not okay with it. i don't want to only smile and accept things because i'm the one with less voice heard. i'm not letting myself being bullied. i have my rights. i have strong reasons. accept it. just because you're receiving the masters scrol, it doesnt means that you can bully me because i only have a degree. i have my rights. and i'm going to fight for it. as tomorrow, for the little choosen one, all the best for being the course representer. i believe in you. you're going to do great.

ini sahaja.

41568319681

p/s: jangan kawan dengan saya. Saya kurang baik.
 

I feel bad.

Salam.

Today, it's party time. Tapi masa nak cari space untuk buat event itu, macam rasa frust sangat sangat. Macam, memanglah nak buat kat court. Tapi court dah ada orang cop. Lampu takde. Nak cari orang nak pasang lampu. Takkan nak buat tengah tengah alam bagi orang lain terliur tengok. Memang, kelas lain akan buat juga, atau dah buat. Tapi, tak sedap hati. And the kids beria, and always excited tanya macam macam, tapi I am so frustrated, tak boleh nak senyum siap buat cerita tipu lagi."Cikgu, nak buat jamuan eh?" "Taklah. CIkgu beli barang tak sempat nak hantar kat bilik." Haish. Bulat bulat kena tipu kanak-kanak itu. Dan sekarang rasa sangat marah dengan diri sendiri. Nak minta maaflah. Sebab kanak-kanak itu baik. Walaupun kadang-kadang nakal lah kan. 

 

Awal tu memang tak boleh nak senyum. Ada students nampak dari bawah bagi signal suruh senyum. Cuma bila dah dapat spot tu, baru boleh nak senyum senyum, ketawa ketawa. Haha. Meja pingpong pun meja pingpong lah. Asal boleh jadi meja kan. I really hope they are happy. At first kata, kek Blackberry. Blackberry storm. "cikgu, blackberry storm tak sedap. Rasa besi je". Ada yang expecting it was durian.

Dahlah. benda dah lepas. Sekarang nak tidur. Esok bangun awal nak study. Macam macam. 

I end this post with a poem.

The don't quit poem.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, 

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, 

When the funds are low and the debts are high, 

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 

When care is pressing you down a bit, 

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, 

As every one of us sometimes learns, 

And many a failure turns about, 

When he might have won had he stuck it out; 

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- 

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than, 

It seems to a faint and faltering man, 

Often the struggler has given up, 

When he might have captured the victor's cup, 

And he learned too late when the night slipped down, 

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out-- 

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, 

And you never can tell how close you are, 

It may be near when it seems so far, 

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- 

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

p/s : when you used to hurt a human, and things somehow do goes right, you missed those times where both of you spend time talking to each other about anything. Somehow, when the chance is there, to chat, you don't know what to say. Not because you have nothing to say. But because you are so afraid that your words might hurt again. Yet you wanted the conversation to be longer.


 

her Wedding day~

Salam.

It's 11th Dec 2010. Syaima's wedding Day. Pagi at 10 am nikah. At 12 majlis. An old friend of mine. Lama tak jumpa. Bila jumpa dah wedding day dia. Cepat sahaja masa berlalu kan? At the age of 23 dah wedding. Seru dia sampai cepat. Alhamdulillah. Tumpang gembira untuk dia. Tema khemah pink+purple. Pengantin yellow cream gitu. Soooo Syaima'.

Pagi tadi sangat semangat balut hadiah. Tak lah mahal mana. But I really hoped that she liked it. Ada jumpa a few girl friends masa Four dulu. Izzah N, Iman, Aisya, Anis F, D, Baizura dan yang paling penting, Cik Asha~ Entah siapa pula next. Me sudah tentulah tak. But, semoga Syaima' and Amir dan family berbahagia dunia akhirat. Amin amin amin. Cuma terkilan sebab tak dapat nak stay lama lama. Dahlah lama tak jumpa. Nak juga tahu her wedding story. Urm. Nak buat macamana. Maybe next time. Nak tahu outdoor photoshoot dia buat di mana sebab I suggested her Pullman Hotel, Putrajaya. Tak tahu cadangan diterima ke ditolak. Hehe.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.
 

Grrr.

Salam.

Ini edisi lepaskan marah. Saya marah! Pantang betul kalau orang guna barang tak letak balik kat tempat dia ambil.

Di saat saat sangat marah, sila senyum. Dapat psycokan orang yang buat awak marah. Nanti orang tu pula masuk department angah jaga. Muahaha.

Sekian terima kasih.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

 

dilemma

Salam. today tak mengajar sangat. banyak suruh students buat latihan. nak tengok mereka faham ke tak. lagipun, kalau way ahead dari kelas lain tak best. takpe kelas lain tinggalkan kelas i. nanti i boleh rujuk rujuk. muahaha. hajat nak share article tentang small things can give big effect dan surat seorang ibu sampai juga. just macam kesian pula dengan ada student yang ibu dia dah tiada. jaga parents selagi hayat kita ada. okayyy? plan asal, this saturday nak balik sj. first, syaima' punya wedding. second, nak tengok baju. hehe. okayyy. niat asal sebab dah promise nak jumpa kakak and dah promise syaima' akan pergi wedding dia. tapi... tadi students pleading nak ajak pergi jalan-jalan. yang buat rasa serba salah itu sebab seorang itu sarawakian. entah bila lagi nak datang semenanjung. lagi satu sebab bila ada student kata, tahun depan belum tentu jumpa lagi. tiba-tiba macam sebak. this is my first experience teaching. mestilah nak all out kan. mereka my first student. tapi, pembantu i pun ada wedding on saturday. kalau tukar kepada weekdays boleh tak? DaN Sunday naK jumpa nadiah. dilemma. adik-adik sendiri, i tak sampai hati nak tolak. dan mereka ini dah macam baya baya adik sendiri. Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

Please. Take the memories away.

Salam.

Yesterday, the plan is to go somewhere nearby. To buy a gift for a friend's wedding. I'm expecting to go for a bookstore. Books. Somehow, we went KL instead. Using a route farther than it supposed to be. Somewhere, I started to feel sleepy and doze off. When I wake up, we passed by this suppose-to-be-forgotten place and that building. And now, the hurt is back. I hate this feeling. Please, just go awayyy~ You can keep the money. But please stay a far. The memories, keeps repeating inside my head. Too much from surroundings are taking the memories back to me. And I went quiet in the car. They asked why. Sorry. You can ask your students that question. But not me. I'm not your student. So I'm not answering.

ts.

We went for TS, Sg. Wang, BB. A friend treats us food. Then we went to search her new lappy. That's when I get bored. It's like you wander around a gadget shop without any thoughts of buying any and you don't feel impressed with the gadgets there. And wasted time waiting. Whereelse you felt like going wandering around to find nice skirt yet you stay still because you don't want them to think that you are being selfish but I know I'm being selfish. It's just like, when I want to buy stuff, I need time to think. And not just grabbing and paying no matter how much it costs because I feel like I was born with silverspoon. At Sg Wang, I saw a pair of shoes. Nice one. You know, when I get stressed out, not being myself, I'll look for shoes. Yet, they insisted on being quick. I only managed to try the left shoe and not both instead. Just because I pity the promoter that went all the way to find the size I requested. I hate it when people stop me from buying what I want. It's my money. Why are you bothering so much in stopping me? You're not even my dad/mum. DADDY gave that money to me. I felt disappointed. And stop myself from buying. Thus, I went wandering around alone for a while until a friend accompanied me to go hunting for a skirt. Nowadays, I hate wearing trousers. I prefer wearing baju kurung and skirts and jubah more. I'm looking forward in playing bowling while wearing baju kurung. Hehe.

We arrived college around 10. Met kakak at the stairs. She's baking kek batik. After prep tonight, I'll go search her to rob her cake. hehe. 

Today, a friend's wedding in PJ. Somehow, I don't feel like being myself today. You know, when you are excited to meet old friends but when it happened, it's as if you don't exist. Oh. I'm invisible. You cannot see me. I forgot. Darn.! It's TMNT. See! I didn't get to see TMNT also. Haish. So, I went cranky. Quiet. Only speaks to help out the driver to find the route back to college. 

Chatted with Angah for a while. Angah is supervising the psychiatric ward. And I'm asking her whether I can go there or not. Yup. It's a crazy idea. At least I know that Angah loves me. So, I need to smile, right? 

I don't wanna hear people talking about their masters. I'm suppose to be there. I don't wanna see signboard going to that not-suppose-to-go-place. I really hoped that I passed that exam with flying colours. I don't have friends. *haha. I just realized this. Pathetic me*

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

 

Hoping that it's not forbidden.

Salam.

It's my 5th day teaching. Feelings? MIxed. Sometimes, I felt frustrated with myself, angry, sympathy, sad, relieved., happy.  It's a mixture of all. I always look forward in writing in here. But I'm not sure that sharing how I felt in public, or what had happened is forbidden or not. So, in a nutshell, I'll do my best for another 2 weeks more to go. HAving this kind of experience is once in a blue moon. To see how capable I am in teaching+handling students. Special ones. At least, now I get some experience. 

P/S : I need to handle the class in English and Bahasa Melayu.(sometimes). So, I'm kind of used in talking in English until I'm conversing in English with my friends also. Haha.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.