I’m a bad mom.

Thank you and have a nice day!

- Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Overwhelmed.

Assalamualaikum,

It had been a really long while. I've been trying other ways to express myself. I guess it doesn't really worked. Rindu blogging. But the past posts are so much... tak tau nak kata la, makes me not so comfortable anymore, so I might hide them.  

Life is... Alhamdulillah I'm still alive. that's what I can say. 

It had been a year plus, with Covid '19 pandemic. And the numbers are increasing. 

Today noon, we battled ourselves to register for the vaccine. AstraZeneca. Iyah helped. Her hands are powerful. Dapat tolong registerkan herself, ibu and me. I'm nervous. but the slot will be in July. Jadi lambat lagi, sempat lagi nak turunkun berat, about 5kg. Is it ambitious nak turun 5 kg dalam 1.5 bulan? Sebulan 3kg. We try. 

Currently tengah taking this Sijil KAP, Kursus Asas Permata, konon nak jadi better mother. But as the time passes by. Rasa demotivated. I guess so much issues at home, which affects my feelings, and I end up shutting myself down. Life's unfair. Human is unfair. 

Part of me telling myself to give up. Part of me asking myself to hold on. I'm trying. I learned that I still keep grudge on what happened 10 years ago. Because I'm not happy, I don't want orang lain tu to be happy. Tapi... tak baik kan. Sebab if what happened doesn't happened, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have these two babies. 

There's just so much to write. There's so much things I'm thinking of right now. But it's almost 11pm. If I'm not sleeping now, I'm not going to be able to sleep. Sekarang susah nak tidur. 

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal. Stay safe. 

 “The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” :D