Rasa benci.

Salam.
I dunno why. But lately, the hatred feeling is within me. Rasa benci, menyampah, those bad feelings. Those negative ones. Hates this.
Rasa marah. Tapi bila marah, macam kita marahkan Allah, rasa tak redha. Macam, kenapa orang tu happy tapi dia buat jahat kat orang yang kita sayang, yang kita rapat?

Suddenly macam, it's all coming back.

Saya mula mengungkit, persoalkan.

Dulu, masa sesak sangat, takde alternatif, minta tolong bawa ke tempat nak sign agreement. Tapi you taknak tolong. Alasan, jam. Last last I end up pergi naik teksi, balik ofis, ibu hantarkan. Good thing? You takde so I tak payah dengar you merungut-rungut.

Then, bila dapat balak tu, lama baru I get the license to drive myself. Masa first day bawa, you dah sibuk tanya, boleh tumpang tak, buat cerita sedih sebab taknak tunggu sampai your sister balik at 7. I kesian, then bagi you tumpang. Lalu Sunway, good for me lah kan. First day drive, dah kena bawak gi SUnway, I dah nak langgar pakcik bawak anak atas motor tu. And you, buat I lagi panik. Good thing? I learned to use the left side mirror and more alert on motorcyclist.

Esok pagi, you tumpang gi kerja, tiba tiba buat I terkejut cakap kena U-Turn, then I salah press minyak instead of brek, langgar curb U-Turn tu. Then my bumper scratch, clip tercabut. Padahal bumper tu baru cat baru. T_T  Just because nak beli you breakfast. Tapi pergi juga beli sebab kesian you lapar and, dah pergi half way sampai balak I calar, pastu tak jadi nak beli dah? Good thing? I dah ada alternatif lain for breakfast and lunch instead of buying Petronas food sebab malas nak keluar time lunch.

Then bila naik balak, you kutuk2 Malaysian car. Apa you tak sedar balak yang you naik tu Malaysian car? "I hate Malaysian car." Thank you sebab sudi nak naik my Malaysian car tu for few weeks. Good thing? I felt annoyed with you and I stopped helping to send you home since then. Haha. Jahat jugak aku ni.

Lunch time, kalau kakak takde, kakak taknak keluar, kakak tak datang, baru you cari I kan. Now dah ada kakak lain, memang harapan lah you nak tegur I. Haha lagi.

Macam dendam je kan? Haha Lagi dan lagi. okay dah macam tak betul.

Bila fikir balik, ada good things in everything that happened. Just, kadang rasa tak sabar juga nak say goodbye. hehe. "Kak Maz was saying, baru sedikit dah nak mengalah?" There are times that I don't give up easily. But when I'm not sincere, I might give up.

Bila mula persoalkan apa yang dah ditentukan, ada unsur derhaka dalam diri. Tolonglah, go away this feeling.