Rindu

Assalamualaikum,

Dulu masa Sek Men, ada this one person yang selalu bagitau Kakla, cakap Kakla ni pandai, mesti boleh buat punya. WALAUPUN, Kakla tau, dia tak suka kawan dengan Kakla. Just dia tak pernah nak cakap, "aku tak suka kawan dengan kau. Jangan ganggu lagi." I never forgets dia nya birthday, just now, tak lernah wish je.

Masa dah kahwin,  still nak tau khabar dia,  dah ada partner ke and all. Dia akan selalu cakap, siapalah nak kat kita. And bila cakap, belum ada rezeki baby lagi, that time, dia just cakap. "takpe. Your time will come. Tak lama lagi tu. Sabarlah." 

I miss those kind of words yang positive.  

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

Cute companion

Salam.

It's Friday, and I'm loitering around. Kira masa nak balik.
Aydan is going to reach 19 months in few days. Yet I still have the feeling nak balik cepat-cepat sebab rindukan dia.

You know, PJJ ni sometimes can be easy, sometimes can be tough. Easy is, takyah nak sibuk fikir masak sangat, or iron baju. Tough is when, badan dah penat and nak rest, no body else to say, "tag, you're it!". Though we're not living berdua je.

Yet I'm grateful, Allah had sent me a cute companion. Bila hari hari macam-macam keletah Aydan, it becomes good memories between us. Dulu Aydan tak berapa nak menari, then I taught him to turn around, goyang-goyang kepala, now dah pandai goyang-goyang badan without having to initiate first. Cuma dari segi pelaksanaan Aydan, it becomes... cute! You know, when babies dance.

Aydan have this one preference. He likes to go and carry around the big mineral bottles. Siap bawak naik atas. So now, ada botol mineral besar and botol sabun besar kat living room atas. try imagine, dia bawak botol-botol besar tu. Tapi, bila naik tangga, Ama la kena tolong carry him, and him carrying the bottle. Cause Ama not so patience waiting for him to crawl naik tangga.

So yesterday, dia terbalikkan stool plastic and put, his truck in it. Busy nak bawak naik stool tu(dalam keadaan terbalik). But tak pass the safety gate. I was telling him no need to bring upstairs. Tapi dia gigih jugak nak bawak naik. Dia bebel-bebel lah juga. Aaahhh uhhh. Trying hard. So I just let him be. Because sampai rumah quite late yesterday, about 9 pm. So my focus is more on nak pergi bersihkan diri, and on the TV. Sambil tengah pasang TV, and kipas, dengar dia bunyi uh ah uh ah. Rupanya dah naik tangga separuh jalan! Kagumlah jugak how dia bawk diri. Bila dia finally give up and decided to join me upstairs. So pergilah turun, teman dia naik.(sampai sekarang tak pernah biar dia naik tangga alone). So I placed him in front of the TV. Mula-mula he hesitated to let me go and clean myself. Geleng-geleng kepala when I tell him,"Aydan tengok tv ok, Ama nak gi mandi". Then he's fine. I got to have my own sweet time. Dah siap pun, he's still watching TV. Bila tengah bentang sejadah, guess what? Dia masuk bilik seret botol mineral besar tu !

Kadang-kadang bila sangat-sangat hilang sabar I told myself, dulu masa nak, bukan main doa mintak kat ALLAH s.w.t. ni bila Dia dah bagi, takkan taknakjaga betul-betul?

p/s : tadi shopping books for Aydan, can't wait to show him. Tapi tu lah. His interest is different.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal. “The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” :D
 

1y 5months

Assalamualaikum,
Blogger looks great now. Makin cantik. Bila nak login, dah tak dull. Feels like changing the layout of my blog tapi tapi tapi. oh well. Time management is bad. Really bad.

I'm unsure of what to put as title but the content will be about what's happening now. Work, home, Aydan.

Oh Aydan,.. Sampai sekarang still calling me Ama or Mama. belum nak panggil Ibu lagi. Rasa sangat in denial nak bahasakan diri Mama cause all this while bahasa diri Ibu kan. Should I change? tunggut lah Aydan dah 2 tahun, we see how. Sebab boleh expect yang ibu is a bit challenging word to say. Bapak, Aydan dah pandai sebut. And he likes to repeat, Bah Pak. Bapak. Pak. Kadang Seri pun calls me Mama. Dah tak panggil MakTeh. Agaknya sebab dengar Aydan panggil Mama? Maybe kan.

Sabtu ni nak gi kenduri in Seremban. Had been a while tak gi kenduri. RIndu nak melaram. Now pergi opis muka pucat lesi je. Malas. takde mood. Lambat.

Belum habis pasal Aydan. Idk, kenapa berita gembira doesn't make me feel happy? tapi rasa susah hati. Trying so hard nak wean off AYdan, nak train dia minum susu powder. Orang cakap itu, orang cakap ini, I'm tired nak dengar/ikut apa yang orang cakap! YOu're not doing everything alone kat rumah. Bapak Aydan gi beli susu kambing Karihome. Then bila dah start bagi AYdan minum susu tu, and well, kat sekolah dia boleh minum but kat rumah taknak pun minum langsung. ANd well, cakap mahal pulak.


Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal.

 “The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” :D

 

Jujur

Assalamualaikum,

Jujur cakap, kadang lagi bagus menjauhkan diri dari orang lain. Sebab bila ada, kita ditunggulkannya. Lagi pendiam lagi bagus. Lagi rasa nak bjwat hal sendiri. Dan bila kita senyap tu, ada orang yang cari/doakan kita, orang tu lah sebenarnya hatgai kita. Tapi, itulah. Kita hidup bukan untuk impress kan orang lain. Tapi, Allah s.w.t.

Thank you & have a nice day,
Nor Alwani Binti Amran

His solid food journey

Assalamualaikum, 

Aydan almost reached 16 months now. Subhanallah, cepat betul masa berlalu. Rasa macam semalam je, still lepak lepak makan nasi ayam sambil contraction. Hah. Tak cerita lagi kisah bersalin kat sini. Dah basi betul. 

Ok. Solid food. Alhamdulillah, dari 6 months, he accepts bubur. Cuma as he grows,  texture bubur tu berubah. Mula2 cair, blended, then kurang air, then makin banyak flavour. ada junior ni suggest this Saathu Maavu, xsure asal dari mana. But this powder,the seller says boleh bantu naikkan berat badan anak. Masakkan dalam bubur or nasi. Rasa powder ni nak macam kuah dhal. Sebab, ingredients nya is kacang. Macam2 jenis kacang. So since sebelum Raya, jadi satu ikhtiar jugakla untuk naikkan berat badan Aydan, tambahkan selera badan dia. Idk if this works or what, tapi lepas keluar hospital, selera Aydan boost balik. Dia dah start nak minum EBM at school balik. Ibu dia pulak susah hati pasal production. Haha. Teacher cakap, sebab tengok kawan2 dia minum susu. So dia nak jugak. 

Ada a while, teacher try nak bagi dia food macam nasi, yang makanan orang besar. And ada sekali tu bagi dia pasta bolognese, Aydan refuse. So continue with bubur je. Until semalam teacher cakap, Aydan dah nak makan macam orang besar. Makan nasi dah. So boleh bawak satu je termos. If dia taknak, boleh makan bubur sekolah dah. Fuh. Aydan dah besar kan. Cuma oats tak try lg

Sekarang makin banyak words dia.

Mek - ambik

Tup - tutup

Shoe

Socks

Mo mo - more more

Ni ni

Nak

Pasal more more ni nak cerita.  Sekali tu, teacher nak tuang bubur dalam mangkuk, and nak tuang sikit je la sebab sebelum tu dah makan banyak. Sekali dia sebut mo mo. Then they figure out it's more more. 

Besar nanti agaknya talkative macam bapak dia tak? I thought so. 

Thank you & have a nice day,
Noruaruwani

Aydan at mall

Salam.

Semalam rasa malas nak balik rumah terus so in prompto bawak Aydan pergi Mall yang dekat after picking him up at school. Best, sebab tak ramai orang and, sangat spacious so he gets to walk/run satu mall. tapi tebal muka ibu dia la kan nak kejar and say no no or careful. Mall tu carpeted so ok je lah.
Ceritanya, ibu dia nak usha kasut baru nak gi kenduri, Yang ada sekarang tak cukup tinggi. haha
Pergilah Parkson kan. Fuhhhh. te te te te tangan dia nak tangkap every shoes reachable atas rak. pastu pergi kat bahagian swim wear. ada bag luggage habis dilanggarnya. yang surfer board pun dikebasnya lari. Luckily promoter tak marah, diorang just rasa cam Aydan comel. fuh.

then nak balik, macam, ala dah Maghrib tapi tak puas bagi Aydan jalan lagi. Konon kalau dia jalan banyak kan, malam nanti dia tidur cepat. *mimpi*
Sekali kat Surau taknak lepas, dia jadi selfcautious, takut orang ambil dia, kena ambil wuduk sambil dukung dia.

baliknya tu, tak tido pun! kitorang sampai rumah dalam pukul 845 pm. pukul 10 baru tido.

But I'm happy to see him jalan2 lari2. Nanti nak bawak lagi. but tak dapat masuk Parkson la. haha.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal. “The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” :D

Rollercoaster

Salam.

I'm writing this in mixed feeling.
Let me start with something happy.

Aydan
When I started to work after maternity, and Aydan started to school, my routine is a rollercoaster. berterabur. Daily target is to get out of house by 740, so that I can reach office by 830, and go home by 530 without feeling guilty. SOund easy kan? So kena start bagi Aydan tidur by 9pm at night in order for him to be able to wake up around 7 am next day, feeling fresh, and yang paling penting, happy and tak nangis. Pagi pagi siap mandikan dia. Cause Kak Shiela ada cakap, satu cara nak bagi babysitter sayang anak kita is, mandikan dia pagi pagi. A while jugak buat macam tu. Then Bila end of last year rasanya, dah tak mandikan dia, just tukar diapers je. so Aydan pun bolehlah bangun about 730 macam tu, sebab nak kena tukar diapers and cuci mata dia je.
But since Aydan dah pandai jalan ni, and bulan puasa dah start, so dia pun bangun awal, and mandikan dia. Siap pakaikan dia stokin and kasut. And now bila dah masuk kawasan sekolah, I'll hold his hands and bawak dia jalan to his class. This mandikan dia bila pagi makes so much different. He's more energized, and yang paling penting is happy and tak refuse bila letak kat car seat. much easy to handle. dah turun bawah, dekat pintu, dia dah tau akan pakai stokin, pakai kasut, and dapat makan biskut dalam kereta. Bila sampai kelas pun, baik and happy je.
Bila tinggalkan Aydan dalam keadaan happy and tak menangis, nak pergi kerja pun senang. Takde rasa susah hati ke apa. And by the time nak balik mesti rindu nak peluk gomol gaduh dengan dia lagi. And now since Aydan tak berapa nak minum susu at school, kena make sure dah bagi dia susu sebelum g school. And sekerap mungkin masa tidur malam.


Ok. Now part yang tak berapa best.

Phone
My phone rosak since last Wednesday night. So now, I'm not reachable. Effa tanya what happened, my heart says, maybe sebab masa Rabu malam tu, cakap dengan ibu and then sibuk tengok phone(Youtube) so Allah murka. Macam, Allah s.w.t. sayang, sebab tu everytime buat jahat or nakal sikit, mesti akan kantoi or, jadi benda macamni lah. So now, I'm not reachable. And memory card yang guna masa Aydan kecil dulu pun dah hilang.
Sekali tu kat ofis, nak balik awal 5 min rasanya, tengok tengok selisih pulak dengan boss kat pintu keluar sebab dia nak gi toilet. Ok cakap pasal ofis.

Ofis
I'm trying hard to be happy at work. Tak ada option nak berhenti kerja, with current financial situation. As I said, my financial situation is bad. Really bad. Passion at work dah hilang. Trying hard nak increase rating this year. I think I had turned down my supervisor's high expectation. Masa awal tahun lepas dia cakap, she have high expectations on me. Because I'm senior in my team, so expect I can lead. But bila yesterday, she asked me to share a screen yang dia tak boleh view. So nak go into system tu ada few steps of login. I answered "okay". Sambil tu cepat cepat login nak printscreen. Sekali boss cakap,"urgent pls". Is it that OK is not enough nak cakap kita tengah buat? What else should I answer instead? Okay, I login now? Oh. I should say that. Now it looks like I always delay things. Padahal, I'm already working on it. So now I should do things and SHOW that I'm doing it?

Kuih
This year memang tak nak jual kuih sebenarnya. But ada orang tanya. So ambil lah jugak stok kan. Every week pergi kilang kot. Every week. Tapi bila tanya yang jual tu dia cakap, OK nanti next week lah ambil. Sekali semalam dia hantar without notice, and then mintak transportation charge. And minta payment kuih. What the? I don't have any cash. Ok ada. Tapi tu duit angpau yang orang bagi which I plan to keep, yang boleh bayar 'duit transportation' tu je. and fikir nak guna duit tu untuk weekend ni. In case of terdesak kan. Rasa sangat terkilan. Sebab duit. Tahun depan taknak jual kuih dah. Kalau nak jual tu. I'll go drive myself pergi Beranang ambil kuih sendiri.

Rasa punya sedih sampai masa lactation tadi siap tidur. The depression tu datang balik. Sorry Aydan.
And right now, sangat sangat rasa nak lari dari rumah.

Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa pun tak jadi. Usaha doa tawakal. “The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” :D

 

I'm in pain

Assalamualaikum 

My ankle hurts

My arm muscle hurts

My knee hurts

Today jalan kat ofis kaki senget because my ankle and knee is so painful

I can't imagine if I'm sick and cannot work

Siapa yang akan willing to take care of me?

I'm in debt

My financial is very bad

My credit card is like 2/3 to reach limit

Where else dah lama tak splurge on myself 

But because tak cukup duit cash nak beli groceries so bayar guna credit card

Last year tak dapat increment, rating teruk, it really pulls my spirit

Depressing

The nearest person pun, was like where's your money?

I don't splurge pun

It's food and compulsory monthly expenses and paying bills

My heart hurts

My heart shattered in pieces

No I'm not OK

I wish I am fine

But I'm not going to lie

How I wish I'm at London now

Or anywhere else

Pack all mine and Aydan's stuffs

And put the phone at Airplane mode

And go somewhere else

Phone only for camera

Especially when abg Man isn't around now

Why, when people hurts us, it's a big deal but one doesn't even bother to think if one's words hurts other people? 

Love,
Noruaruwani

-Keep praying and stay calm-

Not happy at work but what options do I have?

Love,
Noruaruwani

-Keep praying and stay calm-

Jatuh terduduk

Assalamualaikum,

Kali ini dia buat lagi. I've tried to do everything myself, taknak susahkan orang. But it seems that people take ot for granted. Amek kesempatan thinking that I'm a superwoman. Dah book hotel, dah bayar sekali dia nak back off. Suruh ajak orang lain teman. I'm thinking of going berdua je dengan Aydan. Can I? 

Love,
Noruaruwani

-Keep praying and stay calm-

.

Feels... crushed.

Love,
Noruaruwani

-Keep praying and stay calm-

Being grateful.

Assalamualaikum,

I'm writing this at 5 am, terjaga at 4 tadi. Writing this and nak tidur balik sekejap sambil tunggu Subuh. Have to tag along, abam has kenduri today. Wow weee. Lama betul tak gi kenduri. Rindu nak siap pakai make up tebal. Haha

I'm hitting 30 years old, end of this year. Ehem. Epa is going to be 30 next week. 😄 happy birthday Epa. I love you so much. 

Back to the topic. Allah has set us his best plans. Bila down dan sangat penat, I'll force myself to read surah ArRahman siap maksud sekali. "Maka yang mana satu di antara nikmat-nikmat Tuhan kamu yang hendak kamu dustakan?" And it lifted my spirit balik. Sebab apa yang I have now is what I used to ask and pray for a while ago. And I should be grateful kan,  since Allah dah makbulkan my prayers?

And if things doesn't go as what we planned, tell ourselves that what happened is His best plans. Mesti ada hikmah. Mesti. Cuma antara kita nampak atau tak je. Jadi, hargailah apa yang kita ada now. Ada sebab jugak apa yang kita pernah ada tu dah takde. Sebab Allah dah bagi yang lebih baik kat kita. Yang kita betul betul PERLU. 

Love,
Noruaruwani

-Keep praying and stay calm-